Abusive Relationship Healing - Biofeedback and Self-regulation For Domestic Abuse Survivors
Control is the central theme of intimate partner violence. Both during and after the abusive relationship, domestic abuse survivors seek to sort out the unfinished business and unresolved issues around control. In my work with domestic violence survivors, I have found that when I give them a regimen that assists them in cultivating internal control, they thrive. And they heal. For example, when a domestic abuse survivor begins to learn how to regulate their autonomic nervous system, they feel utterly empowered by the fact that they are able to control their internal physiology. Symptoms are reduced, anxiety is regulated, depression is lifted, insomnia is curbed, panic attacks are mitigated, chronic...
Domestic Violence Counseling - Breaking the Cycle of Abuse is a Conscious Choice Abusers Can Make
Some people will tell you that abusers are "mean" people. But, often they are hurt people without the awareness of their pain or the skills to deal with their feelings in a way that is personally satisfying and relationship-enhancing. Striking another person doesn't really feel good to batterers even though they may show a sense of pleasure in and over their assault. And the net result of their abusive behaviors destroys relationships. Domestic Violence Counseling Reveals the Choice to Be Abusive or Not What can your abusive partner do in the place of striking you physically, emotionally or verbally when that urge to do so overcomes him? This is a common question that abusers ask in domestic...
After the Abusive Relationship - Long Term Aid For Domestic Abuse Survivors
Do what you're called to do and the universe will support you. You've probably heard this, but may be scratching your head thinking about your bills, responsibilities and all of the what ifs... This is understandable. So rather than jump in with blind faith, I want to invite your everyday casual, rational mind to do what you're called to do. And then, address the missing link domestic abuse survivors commonly bring to the table. Doing What You're Called to Do Is Your JOB When you're doing what you're called to do, what happens?a) You lose yourself in what you're doing and the activity in many respects does itself. It's effortless. It's performed without strain or resistance of any kind.b) Time stops...
Money, Manipulation and Abusive Relationships - The Need for Domestic Abuse Counseling
In abusive relationships characterized by two-way interactional violence, money is often used as a means to plea for pardon. It is also a means to keep your partner saying, "I'm sorry." When used in this way, it can be a set-up for subsequent violent episodes. Here's how... Let's say there is a true domestic violence assault under the belt of a couple trying to make things work out. She knows it and so does he. So, no one here is in denial or in the dark. Money and Forgiveness Now, as he eases back into the relationship, he may be met with her desire to continue to be "made up to." Ongoing apology soliciting is well in her forefront. She feels entitled to be treated "nicely" to make up for what she...
Healing from Abuse - How Wakeful Rest Can Heal and Enhance Health for Domestic Violence Survivors
Domestic violence is taxing to the mind, body and soul. What is the one thing you can do that will contribute to mending all three, while in and after an abusive relationship? Read on and see. Tell me more about the "wakeful rest," asks my proofreader. Well certainly, I think to myself. There is nothing I'd rather talk (write) about more. What is the wakeful rest? Ahhh, that is the magic...the gold...the sweet spot, wherein the mind and body mend. But before I lose myself in this discussion, let's not lose site of your question. How is this relevant to me, as a domestic abuse survivor? To answer both of these questions, I want you to know had I not been meditating over the years during my own ordeal...
Domestic violence is recognized as a "condition" that exists within an intimate relationship. But its source is intra-psychic, meaning arising out of an individual-namely, the batterer. Most people will acknowledge this as true. I often hear domestic violence survivors tell me that they want to help their partners once they learn of the intra-psychic issues underlying their partner's inappropriate abusive aggression. The question is, how? Abuser as Victim Months and, in some cases, years may have gone by wherein the survivor struggles with staying in the abusive relationship or merely leaving it. Then in a fragile moment, typically following a heated violent altercation, the perpetrator may share...
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Ever since 1987, October has been the month for raising awareness about domestic violence. And with the upcoming election in November, what better time to discuss the candidates and their stance on this issue. First, let me run some numbers by you: Did you know that each year, approximately 1.3 million women are assaulted by a partner? 1 in 6 women have been raped in their lifetime. If that doesn't shock you, maybe the dollar signs will. Do you know how much domestic violence costs in the U.S.? $37 billion a year. This amount includes the costs of investigations of murders and the treatment of injuries incurred by the violence. Do you know what this tells me? That domestic violence is a major...
Abused Men & Battered Women - The Domestic Violence Perpetrator's Flip - Who is the Victim?
Who is the victim? Which one of these folks is the abused? This is a question police officers often ask themselves when they show up on a domestic matter. The social, psychological and medical providers should be asking the same question. Why? Because of the characteristic "flip" that perpetrators will do wherein suddenly they allege and successfully establish that they are "the victim." From Victim to Perpetrator One of our readers wrote in that he was arrested for domestic violence, but he declared that he had been victimized by his battering wife all along. He reached out in surprise, like "how did this happen?" When I read his comment, I clearly saw how this victim was being re-victimized by his...
The following is an interview looking at facts and myths about domestic violence: the gender factor, verbal emotional abuse, impact of domestic abuse on children, tips on getting help and more. Domestic abuse makes most people uncomfortable. No one likes to think they know someone or that they themselves are in an abusive relationship. Just the thought of one being abused can cause feelings of despair, uncertainty and fear. When filled with fear on a topic it is best to replace that fear with knowledge. In recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Luanna Rodham interviewed Dr. Jeanne King to help educate people in abusive relationships and concerned friends and family. Question: Dr. King...
"I love the enthusiasm of our interaction, but when we get on a heated roll, I hate the destruction of our mutual ambush." Sound familiar? Sometimes violence in a relationship can go two ways: from him to her and from her to him. You may have heard me refer to this as interactional relationship abuse. It is relationship abuse wherein each party carries the control alternating overpowering the other. In the example introducing this article we see a stage ripe for an interactive discussion, heated argument and the use of abusive behavior to get one party to listen and enlist in the belief system of the other. This common interaction invariably runs havoc when the couple is not practiced in "cooldown...
Did you know that one out of every 4 women will become a victim of domestic violence at some point in her life? That is the first thing to understand - you are not alone. This is not only happening to you and no one else. It is an insidious "disease" occurring all over the United States and of course in every country. It is not your fault. If you are reading this, it could be that you are one of approximately 1.3 million women who are physically assaulted by an intimate partner every year. Maybe you're too afraid to talk to anyone about it so you have gone online to search for information and help. My only concern with this is that you must take into consideration the possibility that your abusive...
Domestic Abuse Survivors - Obtaining Inner and Outer Wealth After Your Abusive Relationship
"How does a woman that has been out of the workforce for 20 years get the training and job skills that are needed to reenter the workforce, as well as overcome the emotional issues related to a lack of self-worth? And further, how is this done in the current employment environment?" I hear this question over and over again. So let's break it up into its obvious three parts and offer you an answer. 1) How do you acquire the training and skills to reenter the workforce? Let's say you are somewhere between 40 and 65 years old. You need to eat and have shelter, and you have no life profession or current work related skills. If I were in that position, I would immediately start a "make-money-in-your...
After the Abusive Relationship - Psychological Healing Insights For Domestic Violence Survivors
"Nothing has meaning other than the meaning we give it." You may have heard this before or some variation of it. The essence of this statement is "what we see is that which we project." You see we can't see that which didn't at one point reside within. Background Rationale for the Insight Deepak Chopra use to site the following research, which says it so nicely. There was a group of cats who where placed, from birth, in a room with horizontal lines covering the walls ...all four walls of this room. The cats sensory neurons assimilated horizontal lines. Period. Subsequent to this development, the cats were placed in another room in which there where chairs situated about. And the cats walked right...
Emotionally Abusive Relationship Intervention - 3 Keys to Freeing Yourself from Emotional Abuse
A psychologist in India recently asked me to write about the following - How can a woman, one without access to professional help, take steps towards freeing herself from an emotionally abusive relationship? As I think about this question, I realize that this was the inspiration for my writing in the first place. I wanted to reach battered women who requested, but could not afford, my professional services. In my writings over the last three years, I have focused on the psychology of relationship violence. There are a number of important learning steps to freeing yourself from emotional abuse... 1) Recognize that verbal, psychological and emotional abuse are not about you. The cruel words that your...
Animal Abuse and Domestic Violence Frequently Go Hand-In-Hand
Many studies have documented strong links between animal abuse and other forms of violence against humans. Children who maim or kill animals are frequently victims of abuse themselves, and many grow up to become violent criminals. There is a significant correlation between domestic violence against spouses and/or children and abuse of family pets. Many battered spouses remain in these dangerous home situations for fear their pets may be harmed or killed if they leave. As more organizations for battered spouses are recognizing animal abuse as a significant problem, more options are becoming available to protect both spouses and pets. As reported by the American Humane document "Facts about Animal...