| In abusive relationships characterized by two-way | | | | with his escalating arousal and could very well |
| interactional violence, money is often used as a | | | | reflexively choose violence. |
| means to plea for pardon. It is also a means to keep | | | | However, in the short run, he wants so badly for the |
| your partner saying, "I'm sorry." | | | | relationship to "mend," he goes out of his way |
| When used in this way, it can be a set-up for | | | | over-extending to insure his not losing her. And the |
| subsequent violent episodes. Here's how... | | | | underlying bitterness festers...as this pattern |
| Let's say there is a true domestic violence assault | | | | continues. |
| under the belt of a couple trying to make things | | | | Money, Resentment and Disenchantment |
| work out. She knows it and so does he. So, no one | | | | Then, the day comes when he realizes that he has |
| here is in denial or in the dark. | | | | and continues to make financial decisions devoid of |
| Money and Forgiveness | | | | budget realities. So, he pulls back and resists. |
| Now, as he eases back into the relationship, he may | | | | She receives his resistance as rejection, and believes |
| be met with her desire to continue to be "made up | | | | he is holding out on her. From her point of view, he |
| to." Ongoing apology soliciting is well in her forefront. | | | | went from being a "big spender" to becoming a |
| She feels entitled to be treated "nicely" to make up | | | | "cheapskate." And now she questions his "love" for |
| for what she has endured. And she may look to his | | | | her. |
| wallet and expect financial overtures seeking | | | | None of this was ever really about love and |
| repeated forgiveness. | | | | forgiveness. It was about manipulation. And this |
| He responds to these gestures consciously wanting | | | | social-psychological manipulation has created the |
| what's in his forefront-making up and moving on. But, | | | | stage for his being flooded with resentment and her |
| deep inside, he knows the expenditures are beyond | | | | with disenchantment. |
| budget. Unconsciously, they will eat at him creating | | | | If you and your partner are struggling with this kind |
| resentment that becomes his inner cue for the kind | | | | of manipulative, abusive behavior and violence in your |
| of escalating emotion that got him in trouble in the | | | | relationship, seek to understand the dynamics of |
| first place. | | | | abuse and get domestic abuse counseling that can |
| In the absence of effective domestic violence | | | | assist you and your partner in breaking the cycle of |
| treatment, he most likely will not know what to do | | | | interactional relationship abuse and domestic violence. |