| Who is the victim? Which one of these folks is the | | | | they perceive to be slipping away. |
| abused? This is a question police officers often ask | | | | B) They do it reflexively...characteristically. It's their |
| themselves when they show up on a domestic | | | | nature to externalize blame. It's partly what defines |
| matter. The social, psychological and medical | | | | the syndrome of intimate partner violence. |
| providers should be asking the same question. Why? | | | | How would an outsider looking in know if it was |
| Because of the characteristic "flip" that perpetrators | | | | indeed being done? How would the so-called helpers |
| will do wherein suddenly they allege and successfully | | | | recognize an abuser masking as a victim and a victim |
| establish that they are "the victim." | | | | accused of a domestic violence assault? The abuser |
| From Victim to Perpetrator | | | | alleged-victim doesn't act like a victim. They fail to |
| One of our readers wrote in that he was arrested | | | | show the characteristic interaction patterns that go |
| for domestic violence, but he declared that he had | | | | hand-in-hand with intimate partner victimization. |
| been victimized by his battering wife all along. He | | | | For this reason it is extremely important for all |
| reached out in surprise, like "how did this happen?" | | | | providers that interface with these people to be |
| When I read his comment, I clearly saw how this | | | | thoroughly trained in domestic violence dynamics. And |
| victim was being re-victimized by his perpetrator's | | | | by this, I don't mean that they attended a seminar |
| use of the system to maintain control...to save | | | | on family violence. |
| face...to win! I recognized how similar this situation is | | | | If you are a victim in this situation, you will want to |
| to the way perpetrators use the system to their | | | | seek the services of someone capable of |
| advantage in divorce court. | | | | representing your truth. Without that, you may find |
| A Closer Look at the Abuser's Flip | | | | yourself in a batterer's group or in some |
| Why do they do this? | | | | court-ordered anger management program, neither |
| A) They do it to prevent the loss of control that | | | | of which is likely to serve you. |