| When were you last unstoppable - except when it | | | | been unstoppable when it came to protecting her |
| came to trying to hold on to an abusive relationship? | | | | children, or other dear ones. |
| What happened to your unstoppable nature? | | | | She has managed to do much, much more than she |
| It was one of those things that a mentally abusive | | | | thought she thought she could do, when it came to |
| partner did his darnedest to program out of you. For | | | | other people. |
| obvious reasons. | | | | She showed herself to be much, much more than |
| Maybe you've often felt like he succeeded. | | | | her own assessment of herself. |
| Working with mentally abused women, I've felt that | | | | What does that tell you? |
| they often have the most fragile hold on | | | | What it tells me is that she grossly underestimated |
| determination, focus and persistence. They have only | | | | herself. |
| a very fragile hold on their own identity. In the early | | | | Had she not had that ability inherent within her, she |
| stages of my healing, I often felt that I had only a | | | | could never have done that thing that she thought |
| very fragile hold on the qualities that I needed in | | | | was way beyond her strength. To my knowledge, at |
| spades, if I was to move forward. | | | | least, no woman who has fought like a tiger to |
| Subsequently, I have often felt when supporting | | | | protect others, has said to me that, in the moment |
| abused women, that their hold on their future is so | | | | of most need, her fairy godmother suddenly |
| precarious, that it is like the movie scenario of | | | | appeared and waved her magic wand... |
| watching someone holding on to a cliff by their | | | | It's not like that, is it? |
| finger-tips. You support them the only way you can | | | | In our time of most need, providing we are focusing |
| with your belief and your vision, and you watch with | | | | on another, and not ourselves, we can be truly |
| a hideous fascination, willing that to empower them | | | | unstoppable. Not so? |
| enough so that they can somehow haul themselves | | | | I'm sure that, if you take a moment or two to |
| back up onto that cliff... | | | | reflect, you will remember occasions like that in your |
| That support is quite enough... provided they are | | | | own life. |
| prepared to work with it. | | | | So, congratulations; you have been hiding your |
| We have all 'done' rescue; by which I mean that we | | | | unstoppability under a bushel. It's official. |
| all looked for, and found, a 'rescuer'. Sadly, that | | | | Seemingly, it is something we were all issued with at |
| rescue came at a huge price. Part of healing from an | | | | birth. We just forgot to believe in it for a while. |
| abusive relationship is washing our hands of rescue, | | | | As an Alexander Technique teacher, I learned that |
| learning how to save ourselves. That is something | | | | stress leads people to forget how to breathe. Sure, |
| abused women are notoriously bad at. | | | | they carry on taking little shallow breaths; we are all |
| Since the abused woman's 'official job description' is | | | | physiologically programmed to do so. But they forget |
| 'martyr' it's hardly surprising that we are abysmal at | | | | how to effortlessly fill their lungs and undo muscle |
| looking after our own best interests - at least until | | | | tensions when they exhale. |
| true disaster bears down on us. | | | | Yet the programming remains. And years, or |
| As Self-less souls, we are not allowed to actively | | | | decades, after they took their last big, free, |
| pursue our own best interests, to do the things that | | | | spontaneous rib expanding, lung filling breath, they |
| would enable us to thrive. We are not allowed to be | | | | can re-access that capacity, and start doing it again. |
| 'self-full'. | | | | By the same logic, our unstoppability remains available |
| Find me an emotionally abusive man who wants his | | | | to us. |
| partner to be filled with a keen sense of self, and I | | | | How do we access it? |
| will find you a herbivorous tiger! | | | | Simple really. You go back to that time when you |
| So, am I waltzing perilously close to saying that | | | | remember using it, and run through that scenario in |
| abused women deserve a Pity Party? Am I saying: | | | | your head, three, four, five times. Really step into |
| "Poor us! We have been ill treated and victimized?" | | | | that unstoppable you, inhabit her body, her feelings, |
| No, I am not. It's true. And it really is not useful or | | | | and her actions in the moment. And then let it go. |
| helpful to pursue that line of thinking. | | | | Your mind will have reclaimed that potential for you. |
| Instead, let's notice what happens when you shift | | | | With that one technique you will have started to |
| your perspective. Every mentally, emotionally abused | | | | move back into your unstoppability. |
| woman that I have ever known who has being | | | | So, just one more question for you: where do you |
| clinging onto the cliff face by her finger nails, has | | | | want that unstoppability to take you, first? |