| I will never forget the day that I met *Christine, an | | | | actions. I am not saying that we should blame others |
| Asian woman who was hanging out in the career | | | | or act as if the whole world is stupid and we are the |
| center of my alma mater. She came up to me and | | | | only smart ones. I am advocating, however, that we |
| struck up a conversation that "schooled me". Christine | | | | look inside ourselves to see where our |
| and I spent the next couple of days meeting and | | | | over-apologizing stems from. Usually it is linked to our |
| enlightening me on becoming an empowered woman. | | | | self-esteem. |
| She was quite older than I was; she was in her 40's | | | | As far back as we can remember, we have been |
| and I was barely 20, yet we had loads to talk about. | | | | taught to obey the rules. Girls shouldn't curse, or yell |
| I even ended up teaching her how to drive - that | | | | or just plain get mad. We were taught to bend over |
| was an experience. | | | | backwards and to be the one to concede when |
| What I won't forget, however, is one line she said to | | | | there is an argument or disagreement. We were |
| me. "We as women apologize too much". Yeah, we | | | | taught to apologize. |
| do. And minority women apologize WAY too much. | | | | Empowerment comes from a place where we can |
| Why? Being an Indian-American, that really touched a | | | | understand our behaviors and truly learn from them. |
| nerve. I'm constantly apologizing for something or | | | | We are no longer victims, we can move forward - |
| another. Most of the time it was for something that I | | | | not forgetting but understanding that processing the |
| didn't even do or was a part of. | | | | trauma allows for some of the pain to heal. Working |
| As a therapist specializing in treating women who are | | | | on improving self-esteem boosts our creativity, our |
| victims of domestic violence, I look back at Christine's | | | | intimacy and brings back our zest for life. We can set |
| advice and feel empowered. I now try to pass this | | | | clear and consistent boundaries with others and we |
| knowledge on to my clients. Many women will | | | | can identify the times when it is our turn to apologize |
| apologize for crying in session or getting angry. I | | | | as well as give an honest one. |
| always explore what compelled them to apologize to | | | | So, if you find yourself apologizing for things that |
| me in the first place. What unravels is remarkable. | | | | were not your responsibility or your control, take a |
| I am not advocating that we all turn into a bunch of | | | | moment to look inside and ask yourself "where is this |
| narcissists or abusers who deny or minimize their | | | | coming from". Your answer may surprise you. |