| Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a | | | | being angry helps you to feel stronger. Maybe these |
| part of your exchange? Does one or the other of | | | | are patterns you learned as a child. |
| you lash out physically toward the other? Do you | | | | Whatever the reason, if you want to have a loving |
| want it to stop? | | | | relationship with another person, do you think |
| There is lots of information out there about intimate | | | | violence is the best way of getting one? |
| partner violence. Just Google the term and today | | | | If a loving, caring, committed relationship is what you |
| there were 4,680,000 entries on the topic. Many | | | | want, then you must give up the idea of intimidating |
| offer research, explanations, opinions and advice. | | | | your partner with violence and begin to allow that |
| I am not here to argue for you to stay or get out | | | | person to live life on their terms. Ensure that they |
| of a relationship where you are inflicting or receiving | | | | are in the relationship because they want to be, not |
| violence in your relationship. What I do want you to | | | | because they are too scared to leave. This new |
| do, however, is look at your motivation and decide if | | | | relationship will be based on love and real respect-not |
| your behavior and your choices are going to lead you | | | | fear. |
| in the direction you want to go for your life. | | | | Violence Receivers: |
| Violence Users: | | | | Are you in a relationship with a partner who hurts |
| Are you the partner in the relationship who resorts | | | | you physically? Is this the kind of relationship you |
| to physical violence when frustrated, upset or angry? | | | | hoped for? Does he or she treat you good enough |
| Is this the person you want to be in your loving, | | | | other times to make up for the times he or she |
| intimate relationship? What do you want that you are | | | | hurts you? Are you holding onto the hope that it will |
| trying to get by punishing your partner physically? | | | | change? |
| Because I am a firm believer in Dr. Glasser's Choice | | | | Forget the thought that he or she will change. That |
| Theory®, I know that all behavior is purposeful. It | | | | may or may not happen but you have no control |
| is unacceptable to say, "He or she made me do it!" | | | | over what your partner chooses to do or not to do. |
| No one has the power to make us do anything we | | | | You can only control yourself. What if your partner |
| don't want to do. If you think you can, have you | | | | never changes? Would you still stay in the |
| ever tried to make a baby eat who wasn't hungry? | | | | relationship? |
| Sure you can crank up the fear and/or pain factor | | | | What do you get by staying in an abusive |
| far enough to get just about anybody to do anything | | | | relationship? Is this the best you think you deserve? |
| but if it is important enough, a person will choose to | | | | Do you believe that he or she hurts you because |
| die rather than do something they don't want to do | | | | you ask for it? Do you believe that commitment |
| and you can't make them. | | | | means you will never leave until death parts you? Do |
| Stephen Covey tells us that between a stimulus and | | | | you hold onto that hope that he or she can be the |
| a response is a gap and in that gap is our ability to | | | | person you dream of? |
| choose our response. Maybe you are giving away | | | | Whatever your reason, I want you to examine your |
| your choice to your partner but I don't buy it. You | | | | motives. Ask yourself the question, "Is staying more |
| choose violence because it gets you something you | | | | painful than starting over?" When it is, you will seek |
| want. | | | | whatever help you need to make the move to leave. |
| Maybe you are confusing fear with respect. Maybe all | | | | Are you in a painful relationship? Why not sign up for |
| you care about is compliance and quality is not an | | | | a free 20 minute coaching session?. |
| important factor to you. Maybe you are scared and | | | | |