| Some readers may be confused about how they end | | | | which is filed by the court as part of the "DR case" |
| up fighting a restraining order during divorce | | | | (family case). You need to be aware that it isn't just |
| proceedings, because they aren't aware of the | | | | some sort of "gentleman's agreement", it's a binding |
| various options available to a manipulative ex. It's a | | | | contract that you sign. Violation of these agreements |
| good idea to know what your ex might be planning | | | | result in jail time - specifically, up to six months behind |
| as part of her divorce maneuvers, such as options | | | | bars. However, once the agreement is approved by |
| involving restraining orders, so you can be prepared | | | | the court, you are no longer fighting a restraining |
| with counter-moves. | | | | order, which is why so many fathers agree to them |
| Option #1: Fighting A Restraining Order Regardless Of | | | | during a custody battle. The order marked against |
| The Divorce | | | | your name with criminal agencies will be removed |
| This option involves your ex filing a phony restraining | | | | entirely. |
| order against you so that she gets immediate | | | | A No Contact Agreement is usually duel-sided, but |
| custody of children, has the option to request higher | | | | they can be made to apply to one party only. Its |
| maintenance payments, and causes trouble at | | | | restrictions are quite flexible, but typically include a |
| customs or with your employer. It is filed as a | | | | location restriction (e.g. agreeing to not come within |
| separate procedure to the divorce and follows the | | | | 500 yards of each other, each other's workplace or |
| standard process: | | | | schools) and communications restrictions (e.g. no |
| 1. She attends an "ex parte" hearing without your | | | | communication by email, text message, telephone, |
| knowledge; | | | | social networking websites). Where unconscious |
| 2. The temporary order is usually granted as the | | | | violation of these restrictions occurs, there is a |
| judge errs on the side of caution; | | | | certain leeway regarding penalty enforcement. Let's |
| 3. You are served papers notifying you of the order | | | | look at an example: |
| (firearms confiscated, etc.); | | | | You purchase tickets at a cinema desk to go see a |
| 4. A formal hearing is set for both parties to attend | | | | movie with your son, whom you picked up from his |
| within the month where you can defend yourself | | | | grandma's (a neutral location at a pre-arranged time). |
| against it becoming a permanent restraining order. | | | | You see your ex ahead of you in the screen as you |
| This option carries a risk to your ex, because if she | | | | walk in, with her new partner. You have to leave |
| can't convince the judge at the second hearing that | | | | immediately when you realise this. If you do, there is |
| she really is being threatened and/or harassed, the | | | | no issue - but if you don't, that's a direct violation of |
| case will be thrown out. | | | | the No Contact Agreement. |
| Option #2: Fighting A Restraining Order Within | | | | Violations of the agreements are dealt with lightly at |
| Divorce Proceedings | | | | first, but repeat offenses carry the maximum six |
| This involves the temporary "ex parte" restraining | | | | month jail term. Say you're fighting a restraining order |
| order being granted against you, but the allegations | | | | and your ex gets immediate access to your kids; to |
| are taken as part of the divorce discussions. The | | | | get around this you agree to a No Contact |
| second formal hearing where you would defend your | | | | Agreement; you violate the agreement once. Your |
| case (point 4 in the list above) is deferred to a later | | | | ex will file a citation against you and you'll have to |
| date. This can be as much as a couple of months | | | | attend a court to explain to the judge what |
| from the temporary order being granted. | | | | happened. He or she may send you to anger |
| In other words, the pain, hassle and embarrassment | | | | management classes or punish you with unpaid |
| from the order is greatly extended. That's why this is | | | | community work. Another incident may buy you |
| a popular option in divorce cases where an ex wants | | | | some jail time, but any further violations will mean |
| her husband to be fighting a restraining order. | | | | you're looking at a much stiffer penalty than you'd |
| Option #3: Not Fighting A "Restraining Order" Per Se - | | | | thought. The judge will often make you pay for your |
| No Contact Agreements | | | | ex's legal fees to bring the citation to court as well. |
| This is an agreement between you and your ex | | | | |