| I often hear people scoff at women for staying in an | | | | myself as a strong, educated woman, but if I'm in an |
| abusive situation. They don't understand why anyone | | | | abusive situation, so I must be weak. It's one thing |
| would stay. It doesn't seem that hard to leave. Just | | | | to admit your weakness to yourself, but totally |
| walk out the door. Surely they haven't lost the | | | | different to admit it to others. |
| capability of turning a doorknob and walking out?! I | | | | Pride comes into play at this point. You don't want |
| understand their disbelief. With all of the available | | | | your family, friends, and co-workers to think less of |
| programs for abused women, it seems they have | | | | you. Hell, you don't want to think less of yourself! |
| many options. But maybe it's not as clear-cut as it | | | | This is where many women are stuck. They can't |
| seems from the outside. | | | | come to terms with their own weakness, seeing it as |
| As a person who has been in that situation, I can | | | | a negative instead of a fact of life. We all have |
| shed some light on the reasons a woman may have | | | | frailties and we are stronger if we recognize this in |
| for staying. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. It's one | | | | ourselves and accept it as part of who we are. |
| instance of abuse in an otherwise good relationship. It | | | | Some people stay in these relationships because they |
| mounts little by little and you make excuses that | | | | have nobody in their lives to point out that it isn't |
| they aren't really being abusive, things just got out of | | | | "normal" and they can choose another life. Others |
| hand. It doesn't happen all the time and you wonder | | | | stay because they can't get past the emotions long |
| if you're blowing things out of proportion. Others | | | | enough to get themselves together and out the |
| have it worse. Finally it comes to a point where | | | | door. It's not as easy as just turning the doorknob |
| someone notices and points out to you that it's not | | | | and taking the step outside. First you must come to |
| normal, you shouldn't have to live that way and you | | | | terms with the fact that you are abused. Next, |
| realize... you are in an abusive relationship. The kind | | | | admitting to yourself and others that you a human |
| you see on TV, or in the movies, or read about, but | | | | and, as such, have human frailties. Finally, you may |
| it's your life and you wonder how you got there. | | | | need help to get out. Depending on the level of |
| From this point of realization, the battle begins. Not | | | | abuse, this could be difficult. Most abusers isolate |
| an external battle, that still continues, but the internal | | | | their victim. They have little contact with the outside |
| battle of the self-derision, the shame, and the internal | | | | world and are kept to a tight schedule. Finding an |
| questions. How could I let myself get into this | | | | opportunity to contact help could be difficult, but not |
| situation? What will people think when they find out? | | | | impossible. |
| Your whole self-perception shifts. I once thought of | | | | |