The Long Walk - Living with Loneliness

She has a wonderful giggle, the type that is warmheavy blows, she would tip toe past that door and
and soft. It makes her eyes light up. It's the sort ofhear her brother's girlfriend crying, pleading, screaming
giggle that had you heard it, you might understandin fear and begging for the punches to stop.
that she has been hurt but is able to see the humorSometimes, she would run to her parents and beg
in life. But no one knows that about her, no onethem to make her brother stop. She was told to
hears her giggle.mind her own business.
She has many thoughts. As she goes about herAgain, some years passed by and at the age of
lonely day, her mind is always spinning with ideas. Shesixteen, she took a walk in which she never did
often has random thoughts that would prompt longreturn. Alone, she managed to handle the first years
and lively conversations. But they never do, becauseof being homeless. As she sat in the hallways of
she has no one who cares to hear her thoughts.business offices to get away from the bitter cold
She possesses a caring nature. She is kind andwinter, people passed by her as if she was invisible.
comforting, it is somehow embedded into her veryShe was eventually able to secure a small, unheated
core. She would help anyone in need, in any way sheapartment and a job at a downtown coffee shop.
possibly could. But she is not allowed to show herOver the years her only company being abusive or
kindness, because no one calls out her name.mentally unstable men. They would come and go out
She has had a sad and troubling life, raised in a highlyof her life as if she was nothing, as if she did not
dysfunctional family. As a child, her way of copingexist to them. She wondered if they ever would
with her life was to hide in the little closet of herrealize the pain they inflicted to her heart.
bedroom. It was the only place where she got aHer sister had taken off on her own path, a sad and
feeling of safety, as her parents screamed and yelleddesperate path of destruction. As her sister grew
at each other.older, the two connected again. She found renewed
Quite often, it was in that closet, that she wouldpleasure in the company of a kindred soul, however
remain hidden and feeling helpless as she heard thejust as she began to feel the sunshine...it was taken
pleas and painful cries from her brother and sister asaway from her. Her sister's soul was so damaged
they were being beaten with leather belts. Shethat it was ripping apart the body and mind that
remained frozen, not knowing what to do with theencased it. At the age of thirty, her sister died. She
one piece of information she DID know tossingwas alone again.
around in her mind...She was next.She saved a dog once, a neglected and abused little
As she grew a bit older, she began to take walkscreature, this dog was her best friend for about one
with her little sister, this was in an effort to breakyear. Her neighbor's dog killed it in one vicious swipe.
away from the misery of the house. The two ofShe was alone again.
them would walk for miles. They would daydreamAnd so it remains, she has accepted the fact that
that they had a wonderful life to return to whenshe does not fit into society. She has no friends, no
they got back home. They would stretch out thosecompanions...She had tried many times to reach out
walks as long as they could, returning only when theto others. For some reason, they do not stay around
sun began to set. What should have been a beautifulvery long. She thinks that perhaps they see the fear
sunset was just a sign that it was time to return toin her eyes, the fear of life. Or perhaps they can
a place they had a deep fear of.sense the burdens she carries and people are afraid
Years passed by and her walks became longer. Shethey may somehow be tainted by those burdens if
would leave for two or three days. When shethey allow her into their lives. She knows that people
realized that no one asked her where she had been,avoid her, they almost run sometimes, even from a
it did not surprise her very much. As the householdhopeful, "Hello".
grew more insane, she took longer and longer walks.She stopped trying to meet people, there seemed to
Sometimes circumstances would not allow herbe no purpose to that idea anymore. It just added
escapes and she remembers that those were nightsconfirmation of her feelings of abandonment. Her
of confusion and terror.loneliness is a constant and never-ending feeling, so
One of those nights, her older brother, fifteen at thethick that it is almost tangible.
time, was allowed to have an alcohol party with aNow she spends her time working alone, up to
slew of underage friends. Her mother forced her tagtwelve hours a day. She runs errands alone. She eats
along to the liquor store in order to help carry thealone. She sits upon her bed alone. She sleeps alone.
heavy kegs of beer. As the party ensued in aShe day dreams of her life somehow changing and
downstairs room, she sat quiet and alone, atop theshe still allows wonderfully creative thoughts to spin
staircase...listening...and thinking, "Why?".through-out her mind. She day dreams of finding a
When her brother brought home a girl to live in thesoul mate, but knows that no one is seeking a
house, she was baffled. She barely was able to catchdamaged soul.
a glimpse of the girl, as this girl was always in oneShe knows that a soul mate would never be able to
room: Her brother's bedroom. When she was able tofind her anyway as she is, in essense, still hiding in the
catch that glimpse, it was as she passed by and sawlittle closet of her bedroom. No one knows of her
her through small the opening of the door.giggle, her ideas or cares that she exists. She
It was on the nights that the door was closed thatcontinues her endless walk and just as she sat upon
were the worst nights. Awakened by the sounds ofthat stairway, she constantly thinks, "Why?".