| Women cry, men express anger. If you can believe | | | | takes longer and we have a way to calm ourselves |
| this, men are just as afraid of your tears as you are | | | | that works faster than men do. |
| of his anger. Based on my years of experience | | | | That's why a lot of times he will either start to yell |
| working with couples, I believe that tears and anger | | | | or want to get away from you. The usual chain of |
| are often expressed for the same reasons. | | | | events is that he yells, you start to feel attacked, |
| If you are in a domestic violence situation, get help | | | | you get defensive and you attack back. Or he leaves |
| by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at | | | | and you feel abandoned, so you start to nurse your |
| 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY). I am not | | | | hurt and you get angrier. By the time he returns, you |
| addressing battered women in this article. I am | | | | let him have it and the conflict grows bigger. |
| addressing women who feel safe in their relationships, | | | | If you want to break this pattern, realize one thing |
| but who have a hard time understanding their men's | | | | first: he is panicking. I would like you to stop feeding |
| occasional angry outbursts. | | | | the fire and simply listen while he pours out his |
| A man's emotional state can be very fragile. Because | | | | feelings. Yes, it sounds angry. Remember that so |
| your happiness is very important to him, when you're | | | | often anger is a mask for fear. |
| in conflict, he panics. According to the studies Dr. | | | | He may say things that are really painful to hear. If |
| John Gottman has done with couples for over 20 | | | | you can remain calm and refuse to give into the |
| years, a man is less able to cope with stressful | | | | temptation to counterattack while he pours out his |
| situations than a woman! | | | | fear (that looks and sounds like anger) you may find |
| He tends to get overstimulated quickly when the | | | | that he will calm down quicker. |
| two of you are in conflict. His blood pressure goes | | | | Bonus: if you can tell him you hear what he has to |
| up, his heart beats faster, his adrenalin starts | | | | say and you are glad he was able to tell you what |
| pumping, and his muscles get tense. His body goes | | | | was in his mind, he will feel understood instead of |
| into "fight or flight" mode. Women get this too, but it | | | | isolated and attacked. |