| Verbal abuse is toxic. The following is Kate Carlson, | | | | beaten down over time by the verbal abuse. |
| OTR/L interviewing domestic abuse consulting expert | | | | The effects on the "abuse victim's" behavior become |
| Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. in an effort to help people | | | | progressively more debilitating as long as one remains |
| recognize and understand verbal abuse in unhealthy | | | | in the abuse dynamic. Often one will internalize the |
| relationships. | | | | battering commentary and begin to see themselves |
| 1) K.C.: In your words, please define verbal abuse and | | | | through the eyes of their abuser. |
| emotional abuse. And how someone can recognize | | | | 5) K.C.: How would you recognize it in yourself, your |
| these within a relationship. | | | | relationship with your partner and in your self-talk? |
| Dr. J.K.: Verbal abuse is the use of derogatory | | | | Dr. J.K.: Good question. It's my opinion that it's most |
| language and/or tone toward another person. | | | | readily first recognized in oneself from the inside out. |
| Emotional abuse is the intentional manipulation of and | | | | You begin to define and refer to yourself in the |
| or disregard for another person's inner world. | | | | same language and perspective as the battering |
| Both emotional and verbal abuse evolve out from | | | | partner, particularly when in the company of this |
| one person's effort to establish and/or maintain | | | | person. |
| unequal power within the relationship. | | | | As far as how it is noticed in the relationship, you |
| 2) K.C.: Does verbal abuse typically begin right away? | | | | observe and experience an unequal distribution of |
| Dr. J.K: The time in which verbal abuse creeps into | | | | relationship power (and control) between yourself |
| the relationship is a function of numerous factors. | | | | and your partner. Obviously, with the battering |
| One can expect to see it before physical abuse and | | | | partner being the empowered one in the relationship |
| along with emotional abuse. | | | | and the verbally abused partner being the |
| 3) K.C.: How can you tell verbal abuse from | | | | un-empowered party. |
| relationship strife? | | | | Your self-talk as the victimized partner will often |
| Dr. J.K.: Verbal abuse carries with it the intent to | | | | mirror the "felt meaning" of the verbal assaults from |
| establish and/or maintain unequal power within the | | | | your abusive partner. That is, the actual language and |
| relationship and is rarely, if ever, shadowed by any | | | | tone may not be the same, but the feeling it leaves |
| remorse. Relationship strife, on the other hand, is | | | | you with can very well trigger the feeling state that |
| misplaced aggression and is typically followed by | | | | you experience when being defined by his/her |
| authentic remorse. | | | | battering language. |
| 4) K.C.: What are the effects of verbal abuse on the | | | | So, for example, you may begin to regard yourself |
| individual? Can you comment on how the escalation | | | | as your battering partner expresses and begin to |
| of verbal abuse affects an abuse victim's behavior | | | | believe that the things being told to and about you |
| over time? | | | | are true. |
| Dr. J.K.: The effects of verbal abuse on an individual | | | | 6) K.C.: Does the communication pattern between an |
| depend on the individual. For some, it will cause them | | | | abuser/victim tend to encourage the victim to ignore |
| to pull away from the relationship; whereas, other | | | | her true or initial feelings? Does that tend to show up |
| individuals will remain in the relationship and become | | | | in her self-talk/inner dialogue? |