| Frequently I am questioned by clients, family and | | | | you can drown in it.. The correct answer is that it is |
| friends about my work with people who are involved | | | | what you do with it that is most important. The |
| in domestic violence. One of the questions most | | | | same is true of angry or rage. |
| asked is why someone who appears to be so | | | | It works! The abuser often gets what s/he wants or |
| friendly and nice on the surface can resort to abusive | | | | just escalates the behaviours until their goals for |
| behaviours. This article offers three reasons why a | | | | control are met. I learned a long time ago that people |
| person might do so. | | | | tend to repeat their actions - no matter how |
| Domestic Abuse was part of their history - Not | | | | dysfunctional they are - until life doesn't work for |
| every person who becomes an abuser was abused in | | | | them anymore. Those who are watching objectively |
| the past and here is definitely not a guarantee that | | | | are often surprised and dismayed to watch the |
| those who were abused will become abusive, | | | | people they care about continually repeat unhealthy |
| however, many children who have been abused or | | | | patterns and despite their efforts to help the |
| have witnessed others being abused end up following | | | | individuals usually realize that they cannot plan if or |
| the pattern. Attitudes are generally passed from one | | | | when changes will occur. |
| generation to another and this includes attitudes | | | | Domestic violence is a complex dynamic and there |
| towards other people. | | | | are many reasons why it starts and continues in |
| Healthy relationship skills for resolving conflict are | | | | relationships. The most important thing for the |
| missing - Often individuals think that the other person | | | | individuals to realize, however, is that there is help |
| "made me mad" or deserved to be abused. They | | | | available to stop the cycle. The first step is to talk |
| have not learned healthy ways of resolving problems. | | | | with someone who will support you in your quest for |
| Everyone experiences emotions but not everyone | | | | change. |
| handles them appropriately. I usually ask questions | | | | For some, domestic violence turns what could be a |
| such as "Is water good or bad?" Actually it is not | | | | good adventure into a horrible nightmare but it |
| either good or bad. You can drink it, wash with it, or | | | | doesn't have to be that way. |