| What does self pity have to do with abuse? | | | | they are. |
| Well many of you may not see the direct connection | | | | This is essentially a form of manipulation. That is the |
| unless you've been subject to a partner who has | | | | "victim" attempts to manipulate their partner into |
| found themselves in it from time to time. | | | | sympathizing with them and this thereby allows them |
| Self pity is usually resorted to when an individual feels | | | | to remain entrenched in their victim state. |
| victimized by someone or some situation. They | | | | To be around this kind of energy is draining, |
| choose to fall into this state as a way of trying to | | | | frustrating and annoying to say the least. When one |
| comfort themselves, hide away from the world, heal, | | | | allows themselves to be drawn into it it's usually out |
| and/or ask someone else to rescue them from their | | | | of some feeling of guilt. |
| misery. | | | | This hooks the partner into letting the "victim" |
| Often the individual will also feel and appear | | | | partner off the hook i.e. from taking responsibility for |
| depressed, unmotivated, de-energized, and afraid of | | | | their own situation and hence for doing something |
| taking on their normal responsibilities, to be avoiding | | | | about it. Of course the partner then has to go on |
| others, vulnerable and weakened by the traumatic | | | | living with this. So is this sounding abusive to you |
| incident. Often this state can become entrenched as | | | | yet? |
| a way of life. | | | | So you see self pity is essentially a maneuver to |
| The net result is that the individual essentially adopts | | | | avoid taking responsibility for one's own situation. This |
| the role of a victim. | | | | in essence is abusive to the person who engages in |
| So how does it feel to live with someone like this? | | | | it, is it not? |
| Well if you've ever experienced it it makes one feel | | | | The belief being that by doing so one can feel |
| drawn into rescuing such a "pitiful" individual. Such | | | | calmer, happier, safer and more able to have a joyful |
| attempts however get parried by the self pitying | | | | life. |
| individual in such a way that they refuse to be | | | | Well I'll leave it to you to decide if that is true. |
| helped. | | | | I think that from this discussion you can see that self |
| In other words they hunker down into their | | | | pity has no healthy role to play in any relationship. |
| victimhood and even unconsciously (and consciously) | | | | If it exists in yours and you would like to do |
| try to go on justifying their victimhood. They often | | | | something about kindly let me know by visiting the |
| also go so far as getting angry with their partner if | | | | web link below. |
| they are not empathic with them as the victims that | | | | |