| It can be very unsettling if someone you care about | | | | Give her facts and statistics that have been published |
| is being abused by their partner. Domestic violence is | | | | by professionals in the area of domestic violence so |
| quite common and is usually committed by men | | | | that she can make an informed decision as to what |
| against women. This behavior can be life-threatening, | | | | her next step should be. The most important facts |
| frightening and confusing. It is a crime and is | | | | include: |
| therefore never acceptable. Your support can make | | | | The fact that she is a victim of abuse and that |
| a difference. You may even help to save a life. The | | | | the abuse not only affects her, but also affects the |
| question that you may ask now is: "What can I do to | | | | children. |
| help?" Here are some actions that you can take if | | | | Help her to understand that domestic violence is |
| you believe that your friend or family member is | | | | never acceptable. |
| being abused. | | | | 5. Help her develop a safety plan (a plan of escape) |
| Six steps to take in helping a friend or family member | | | | Help her to develop a plan to use for her and her |
| who is a victim of domestic violence: | | | | children if an emergency situation arises, include: |
| 1. Become well informed about options | | | | A plan for how to get her and the children out |
| Before approaching the victim, find out all of the | | | | of the house |
| options that are available for help. Make a list with | | | | A place to go that is safe and that her partner is |
| addresses, phone numbers and contact names. Call | | | | not aware of |
| the numbers and ask questions about what help they | | | | A packed bag with articles of clothing and |
| can give to abuse victims. | | | | identification, important phone numbers, credit cards |
| 2. Question the victim about the situation-in a gentle | | | | and extra money |
| manner. | | | | Transportation ready- gas in the car, spare car |
| Since the victim may not feel comfortable about | | | | keys easily found, door unlocked, and bag in the car |
| revealing her situation because of fear of her partner, | | | | A code word that will let you know of the |
| or embarrassment and humiliation, approach her in a | | | | emergency |
| gentle and sensitive manner. Tell her of your concern | | | | Get names and phones of her closest relatives |
| and that you've noticed certain things and are | | | | to alert them of the situation so thatthey will not |
| worried about her. Her fear, embarrassment or | | | | worry. |
| humiliation may be such that she is unwilling to talk. | | | | 6. Help her seek professional help and guidance |
| Don't give up. Wait for her signal that she is ready; | | | | Tell her about your research into agencies that give |
| however keep an eye on her for any signs of | | | | help to abuse victims. Give her names, addresses and |
| escalation of the violence. | | | | phone number of places that can help her. These |
| 3. Listen, don't judge and give moral support | | | | places should include guidance counselors, police |
| If the victim is willing to talk, the most important | | | | protection (for restraining orders) and others: such as: |
| thing that you can do is to listen. Listen and don't | | | | National Domestic Violence Hotline |
| judge. Don't blame her for the abuse. It is never the | | | | 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) |
| victim's fault. Don't pressure her to leave and don't | | | | The number for child protective services (ask |
| make that decision for her. At this time, focus only | | | | the operator for your local Child Abuse Hotline, or call |
| on supporting her and building her confidence. Let her | | | | 1-800- 4 A Child |
| know that you will be there for whatever she needs. | | | | Name, address and phone number of an abuse |
| 4. Give her facts about domestic violence | | | | counselor. |