| One of the most crippling life losses is the loss of a | | | | There is only the fact-the reality that it is. And it is |
| child to legal domestic abuse. Routinely, we are | | | | not uncommon. |
| approached by women denied access to their children | | | | I've heard shelter directors from coast to coast claim |
| and grandchildren because of the whim of former | | | | that at least one battered woman faces this loss at |
| abusive partners or family members. The pain they | | | | any point in time in each domestic violence shelter. |
| bear is beyond words. So, I won't pretend to | | | | I have known women say the burden they bear is |
| suggest we can actually capture the depths of their | | | | worse than the death of a child. They declare that |
| despair in this article. But I will tell you some of what | | | | death would bring closure; whereas, their loss leaves |
| they say and of what I know firsthand. | | | | an open wound that continues to ooze on and on, |
| 1) At first, there is the utter disbelief. "How can this | | | | again and again. |
| be?" they exclaim. | | | | How one copes with this is as individual as those |
| 2) Often there is a vacillation between the denial and | | | | facing it. I walked this path a decade ago. As I'm |
| the waves of rage beyond anything ever | | | | approaching the ten year anniversary of my breaking |
| experienced. | | | | free from legal domestic abuse, I will say being on |
| 3) For many, it's a vacillation between disbelief and a | | | | this end is heaven compared to that hell. |
| sorrow so deep it pulls one to their knees, to the | | | | The fortunate thing about time is that it allows space |
| ground wailing in tears and cries from every fiber of | | | | for change, for transformation, for growth for you |
| their being. | | | | and your estranged offspring. And now, here is the |
| 4) The worst part of this experience is the mental | | | | good part. You are always their parent and they |
| blaming they do to themselves and the internalization | | | | know. |
| of the heinous crime perpetrated upon them. | | | | My hope for you if you are living this nightmare is |
| 5) Many refuse to let the grieving in and remain | | | | that your day will come when you re-unite with your |
| focused on their pursuits to reunite with their children | | | | children, as doing so will complete your grieving cycle |
| or grandchildren. | | | | like nothing else. Trust me, I know. |
| 6) Some remain in the ring of warfare determined | | | | If you walk this path, I urge you to find ways to |
| not to let go until death due us part. | | | | heal within. The sooner you do, the more of you will |
| There is no right or wrong way to be relative to the | | | | be there available once your little ones come reaching |
| horrific loss of a child to improper legal maneuvering. | | | | back to you. |