| Often times we hear that leaving an abuser, can be | | | | leaving. Violence will escalate so as to re-engage |
| deadly. According to FBI reports 75% of all homicides | | | | control. |
| by intimate male partners occurred after the victim | | | | Scott Peterson said, "I lost my wife. You don't |
| left. Battered women are far more vulnerable to | | | | understand my loss." he said. "My wife is gone." |
| physical attack as well as attacks to their personal | | | | Amber Fry said, "How could she be gone before she |
| privacy, their civil liberties and their parental rights | | | | went missing?" |
| after they leave. Now you might ask why. | | | | My sense is as that pregnancy progressed, Scott |
| Why are battered women at greater danger when | | | | needed something for himself...someone for himself. |
| they leave? | | | | That's why he had the affair. He was dealing with his |
| When a victim leaves an abusive relationship and | | | | loss. What did he lose? He lost control! Laci left |
| moves out, the mere physical separation as well as | | | | before she went missing. |
| the emotional separation increases the perpetrators | | | | The Importance of How You Leave an Abusive |
| need to control his victim. Abuse is fundamentally | | | | Relationship |
| about control. Violence may be a manifestation of | | | | So when you hear people say the danger will |
| domestic abuse, but domestic abuse if really about | | | | escalate when you leave, the message is NOT don't |
| control. | | | | leave. The message is be mindful that there is a right |
| And the perpetrator can't bear to be out of control. | | | | way to leave and a wrong way to leave. When you |
| When the perpetrator feels he's losing his grip, | | | | decide to leave, leave quickly and quietly. Do not go |
| violence will escalate so as to re-engage control. | | | | to your partner and tell him why you're leaving. If |
| Pregnancy and Intimate Partner Violence | | | | you are thinking of doing this, you may not be ready |
| This is why we see an increase in intimate partner | | | | to leave. |
| violence during pregnancy. When that life is felt by | | | | Rather you may unconsciously be hoping that if your |
| the expectant mother, that is the battered one, | | | | partner knows he will loss you that he will change. |
| from her perpetrator's perspective, she's left. She | | | | And this may be so. And it may not be so. Find out |
| has taken energy previously dedicated to the | | | | how to leave to insure your safety; rather than |
| perpetrator and invested it in their unborn fetus. And | | | | compromise it as part of you preparation to leave an |
| from where he stands, that's no different then | | | | abusive relationship. |