| Well you've made it to this page because you're | | | | yourself with popping the hood and checking that |
| curious about information on leaving your | | | | both cables are attached to the battery in case this |
| troublesome relationship, most likely because you feel | | | | happens. Only one cable needs to be pulled for the |
| that your significant other will not be so willing to let | | | | car to not start so if this happens just push the cable |
| you go. You first concern is for your own safety or, | | | | back on and the car should start even without |
| your children's if there are children involved. Obviously, | | | | tightening the bolt on the battery cable. Keep a pair |
| you have taken the first step beyond understanding | | | | of pliers in your glove box to tighten the bolt after |
| that there is a problem which, in the case of abuse, | | | | your somewhere safe. |
| is the biggest and most significant step. | | | | · Pack an extra set of clothes for you and |
| I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there are two | | | | your children and store them at a neighbor's house, in |
| extreme outcomes of women who are involved in | | | | the locker at your local gym (you won't be able to |
| domestic violence relationships, those who become a | | | | leave them over night if you store them here) or |
| part of the strongest women that make up our | | | | under the seats in your car. |
| society or another victim in the morgue. In recent | | | | · Take any important documents or |
| years within the US, 33% of all female murder | | | | information with you, such as: |
| victims were killed by their partner. In 2000 alone, | | | | * Driver's license |
| over 1,200 women were murdered (1). Think about | | | | * Regularly needed medication |
| this for a second. These were the unlucky ones who | | | | * A list of credit cards held by yourself or jointly or |
| didn't have the knowledge, courage, or resources to | | | | the cards themselves. |
| get away. If you're reading this, you are still capable | | | | * Pay stubs, bank account info. |
| of not becoming just another statistic. Here are a | | | | If time permits: |
| few things to remember: | | | | · Passports or documents stating citizenship. |
| · You must gauge your partner's level of | | | | · Titles. Deeds, and other property info. |
| aggressiveness in order to develop a plan and | | | | · Medical records |
| preserve the safety of you and/or your children. | | | | · Children school immunization records |
| · Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving. | | | | · Insurance info |
| I know, easier said than done, right? | | | | · Copy of marriage license, birth certificates, |
| · Identify or maintain areas in your home | | | | will, and other legal documents. |
| where there are no weapons or items that can be | | | | · Verification of social security numbers. |
| used to cause serious injury and ease your way to | | | | · Welfare Id's |
| these areas during the start of an argument. If | | | | · Sentimental pictures or valuables and |
| possible, designate an area like this which also can be | | | | valuables you could part with in case you needed to |
| used to escape if need be. | | | | pawn them. |
| · Always have a plan for escape and run in | | | | · Create a false trail: Call motels, realestate |
| the opposite direction of the children. | | | | agencies, and schools in a town at least six hours |
| · Have a spare key made and always at the | | | | away from your intended destination. Ask questions |
| bottom of your pocket so you do not have to | | | | that will require a call back to your home (this will |
| struggle for the right key if you have to leave in a | | | | show up on your phone records to give your partner |
| hurry. | | | | a false sense of where you are). |
| · A block, wedge, or stick placed on the | | | | If your partner leaves due to a restraining order: |
| outside of a swing-open door can be jammed under | | | | · Change locks and phone numbers. |
| the door after exiting to buy some more time for | | | | · Change work hours and route taken to |
| escape. | | | | work. |
| · If possible, have a phone accessible at all | | | | · Change route to children's school and if you |
| times and have the numbers for help programmed in | | | | have sole custody or a restraining order in effect, |
| (Police, or understanding friend). | | | | inform the school. |
| · If your children are aware of the abuse, tell | | | | · Keep a certified copy of your restraining |
| them not to get involved and create a code word | | | | order on you, on file at your local police station and |
| for them to get help (ie calling the police) if they hear | | | | children's school and inform everyone in contact with |
| it. Make sure that they understand that you will take | | | | you of the restraining order. |
| the blame if they feel that they will get in trouble by | | | | If you leave: |
| your partner for calling the police. | | | | · Rent a post office box or a friend to |
| · Practice the code word with them and that | | | | receive your mail. |
| once they get help; show them where they can go | | | | · Remember that addresses are sometimes |
| to be safe until you or a police officer comes to get | | | | printed on restraining order. |
| them. | | | | · Be careful whom you give your new |
| · Plan for what you will if your children | | | | address to, especially friends or family of your |
| expose your primary plan to your partner or if your | | | | partner. |
| partner finds out another way. | | | | · Change your work hours if possible. |
| · Keep guns, knives and other harmful | | | | · Alert school personnel of the situation. |
| objects locked up if possible. | | | | · Consider changing your children's school. |
| · If your partner does own a gun you should | | | | · Use different stores than you did before. |
| go to your local police station, tell them that you | | | | · Talk to all that you can about the violence |
| would like to know how to disarm a gun properly if | | | | and show your co-workers, and the people who will |
| need be. This can mean the difference between life | | | | be around you more often a picture of your ex if |
| and death. | | | | possible. Inform them about the restraining order as |
| · Make a habit of backing the car into the | | | | well. |
| driveway for a faster escape. If your car is equipped | | | | · Install a lighting system and make sure that |
| with an alarm that disables the ignition, don't set it. | | | | it lights up when someone id d walking on your |
| Use the keys to lock your vehicle so you can jump in | | | | property. |
| and go. | | | | · Explain to any childcare personnel who is or |
| · Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry | | | | is not allowed to pick up the children. |
| that could be used to strangle you. | | | | · Make sure you have a caller ID or get one. |
| · Create several plausible reasons for leaving | | | | Leaving an abusive relationship is a big deal and |
| the house at various times during the day. | | | | without being completely prepared, things can turn |
| Setting you up for a quick escape. | | | | from bad to worse quickly. Make sure that you have |
| · Keep any evidence of abuse, such as | | | | enough family, friends or resources to help you get |
| pictures in a safe place where your spouse will not | | | | through it. Chances are that the abuser is not going |
| find them. | | | | to like your decision to leave and if he finds out, he |
| · I understand it's hard but at least one | | | | will probably go to different lengths to either |
| person needs to know what is going on with you in | | | | convince you that he'll change or keep you from |
| case something happens. | | | | leaving. This is why it is imperative that do it without |
| · Create a separate bank account at a | | | | him finding out. The scariest aspect and cold hard |
| different branch than your joint account (often free | | | | truth is that most women who slip up covering their |
| at most banks) and try to deposit some money (an | | | | tracks or whose partner hears of their plans put their |
| unnoticeable amount if possible, built up over a time | | | | lives in more jeopardy than if they had just stayed. |
| period). | | | | Only you can decide when it is time to leave and |
| · If you end up at the hospital without your | | | | should set aside external criticism, negative or |
| partner there, ask the doctors to document your | | | | otherwise, when making this decision. Your friends |
| visit. | | | | and family are not the ones experiencing what you |
| · If it is a certain moment you are waiting | | | | are and unless they have been through an abusive |
| for, make a plane for your children and rehearse it | | | | relationship, there is no way for them to understand. |
| with them. | | | | You even consider leaving a note telling your abuser |
| · Hide an extra set of keys. | | | | that you are leaving, that you would not like him to |
| · On occasion a man will often pull off one of | | | | find you and as soon as you are safe you will |
| the battery cables to disable the car. Familiarize | | | | contact him with more information. |