| The silent treatment, also known as the "cold | | | | grievance against you is completely irrational and |
| shoulder treatment," consists of feigned apathy, total | | | | based on his own childhood perceptions, and not in |
| silence, and being distant on purpose. One person | | | | the here and now with you. |
| displays an attitude of complete disinterest for the | | | | Whatever the cause, it is difficult to truly understand |
| spouse, as if the other person would be a complete | | | | why the victims allows this behavior to continue. In |
| stranger. | | | | fact, it usually happens abruptly at first, and it looks |
| This form of emotional abuse can be very | | | | like the husband is only silent because something is |
| disorienting. Being ignored on purpose by your | | | | worrying him. Or is he deeply considering some issues |
| husband, your most intimate ally, crumbles your | | | | that he will later share with you and find solutions |
| whole being. The experience can leave you thinking | | | | for? The silent treatment may last for hours and |
| that you have been reduced to the level of a ghost, | | | | even for weeks. Her initial confusion cannot be |
| if your presence is systematically ignored and turned | | | | sustained for a long time because this cold shoulder |
| irrelevant. | | | | can continue for weeks and ends up being a |
| Typically, the abuser does this as a form of | | | | comfortable situation for him. |
| non-physical punishment, with the purpose of showing | | | | Relieved of the need to explain, find solutions, |
| his anger by making you feel less worthy, not valued, | | | | negotiate with the wife and be honest with himself, |
| unimportant, and not cared about. Is a very strong | | | | the husband has found a shortcut that allows him to |
| negative message delivered in a way that doesn't | | | | continue in a relationship without facing its real |
| leave external traces: there are no signal of physical | | | | challenges. He will prefer the shortcut of punishing his |
| abuse. | | | | partner regularly without owning his own |
| Between the lines, what your abuser is trying to do | | | | shortcomings, so he can keep his own self image |
| is to manipulate you in the area of your self image | | | | protected without reality checks. |
| by making you feel reduced to nothing he can show | | | | In this delusion, most often abusers do not realize |
| interest on. If he is not seeing you, or your qualities, | | | | that they are abusing someone they think they love; |
| who are you? not more than a shadow! Here is a | | | | they keep thinking that there is a lot of time for |
| female voice: | | | | explanations in the future... |
| "The thing that drives me the most crazy is when he | | | | For her, there is nothing much worse than the feeling |
| has had his cooling off time, he comes out to me and | | | | of being invisible especially if the person she loves |
| he is STILL angry and silent. He stares straight ahead | | | | makes her feel that she doesn't exist. Sadly, your |
| at the TV with this filthy look on his face and | | | | abuser will only gain power by her submission and her |
| pretends I am not even there. Like I'm invisible. | | | | begging him to stop the cold treatment. |
| "I really don't know what to do, or say. If I say "can | | | | Generally, silent treatment leaves a lot of damage |
| we talk about this?" he will roll his eyes or tell me to | | | | and scars. Though the cold treatment can be finished, |
| shut up. He reconnects when and how he | | | | the inflicted damage can still lead to frustration and |
| wants...while I wait in despair. I have truly lost hope. I | | | | confusion due to unresolved rejection issues. |
| don't know how much more I can take. When things | | | | The issues are typically unresolved due to her fear |
| are good between us life is incredible, but he has this | | | | that she will ignite verbal abuse or he could start |
| Jekyll and Hyde thing going on... and I always feel like | | | | another cycle of silent treatment if she voices her |
| it is my fault, because I don't know how and why his | | | | hurts. If this damage is not addressed immediately or |
| cold shoulder towards me starts. What did I do to | | | | if he won't put a stop on his systematic rejection of |
| anger him so much as to be so cruel?" | | | | her, it will deepen to include suicidal ideation, anxiety, |
| In this kind of situation you will not notice you are in | | | | depression, eating disorders or drug and alcohol |
| an emotionally abusive relationship because there is | | | | dependency. |
| no physical contact or harm; only the feeling of being | | | | Keep in mind that our purpose for being in a |
| abandoned by him and his attention. | | | | relationship is to feel that we are not alone and that |
| Emotional abusers are far worse than physical | | | | we have someone to love and someone loves us |
| abusers. You can feel more pain and sadness as the | | | | back. If he makes her feel unimportant and there is |
| person you love banish you from his existence | | | | no meaning in the relationship, then he is sabotaging |
| without closure and without a chance of knowing | | | | the core of the same relationship he needs. |
| what went wrong (if anything) and the possibility of | | | | In this painful bind, she will have to consider how |
| reconciliation. | | | | much can she survive without receiving much |
| Generally, silent treatment repeats over and over | | | | expected loving and supportive feedback from the |
| again. Silent treatment is a method of stabbing you | | | | same person she has chosen to be her permanent |
| without killing you. It murders your soul and mind for | | | | admirer. At the point where his controlling and |
| something you have supposedly done, that you don't | | | | manipulative behavior leaves her lonely and |
| know about, making learning impossible. | | | | frustrated, there is the need for a decision about |
| Why does the abuser uses this weapon of control | | | | what kind of future is possible for this relationship. |
| over you? He does the "cold shoulder" to avoid an | | | | Perhaps at this point in the evolution of this |
| uncomfortable situation, having to clarify issues with | | | | controlling marriage, she will need external help, as |
| you in your relationship and issues within himself. | | | | therapy, family or friends can give, to restore her |
| Probably is difficult for him to connect with you and | | | | self -esteem and be able to face life without |
| express what is bothering him; or he knows that his | | | | emotional abuse. |