| It's easy to obsess about truth. Possibly the more | | | | learned is this: at some level all these women knew |
| abused you have been in your life - the more, that is, | | | | how great and valuable they are. They were just |
| that someone has visited their chosen reality on you | | | | stuck in the misguided belief that it takes a man's |
| as the truth, the greater the need to make your | | | | endorsement to change that knowledge into belief; |
| truth heard. Your truth will only fully become your | | | | until they learned how to do it for themselves. |
| truth when it is acknowledged by precisely those | | | | It's as if women hold the credit card and the bank |
| people who denied and distorted the essence of | | | | account and yet they're waiting around for an |
| your worth in your inner - and outer - world. | | | | unreliable man to provide the all important PIN |
| At least, that is your sincere belief - and I'll admit that | | | | number. When you and I both know perfectly well |
| I was stuck in that one for the longest time. | | | | that by taking a couple of simple steps they could |
| Did it help me at all? Did it serve any useful purpose? | | | | easily get a new PIN number for themselves, so that |
| Does it ever? No, because the person who you most | | | | they could access their wealth whenever they |
| want to see your truth is heavily invested in not | | | | wanted to. |
| seeing it. He (or she) is much more interested in | | | | Third, there are no monopolies on truth, only |
| defending their own truth, or version of events; the | | | | franchises. Your (ex)partner has his franchise on truth |
| version in which they are always justified, or hard | | | | and you have yours. He's probably not running his |
| done by, or exonerated by circumstances such as | | | | franchise too efficiently, if he's always attempting to |
| your unreasonable behaviour. | | | | take over yours - which, in any case, he can't do. |
| Their beliefs serve them; they are exquisitely useful | | | | Unless you surrender it to him. |
| to them. But are your beliefs useful to you? | | | | You can run your franchise as well as you choose to. |
| Do (or did) your beliefs about who your partner could | | | | At any time you can revise the way you run it, so it |
| be, how the relationship could look, and how you | | | | becomes more successful. And you can choose the |
| should be treated in that relationship really serve | | | | beliefs that will be most useful to you in your life at |
| you? Are they useful in promoting your peace, | | | | any given time. |
| happiness and health? Or do they actually harm you. | | | | Psycho-analysis, or a popular view of psycho-analysis, |
| Are they still harming you even though the | | | | saw the subconscious rather like a fridge whose |
| relationship is allegedly over? | | | | contents haven't been emptied in living memory. |
| What has happened is that a shift has occurred from | | | | Seriously nasty. There's no way you'd want to peer |
| the beliefs you can seriously hold about yourself, to | | | | into the bowls and jars and bottles... They can be |
| the beliefs you need another person to hold about | | | | pretty scary. |
| you. Instead of you being convinced of the respect, | | | | Happily, that's not the only view. A more useful one |
| care and consideration that you are entitled to in any | | | | is that your subconscious is a great, dumb servant |
| and every relationship in your life, you believe you | | | | that can easily be duped and will labour gallantly and |
| have to make this other person believe that about it, | | | | tirelessly on your behalf. Provided you tell it exactly |
| for it to become true. | | | | what you want it to do. |
| In my book, that's a long way from being a useful | | | | And because that old belief hasn't been useful to |
| belief because it will keep you hooked into a | | | | you, you've got nothing to lose by replacing it with |
| damaging relationship for far longer than anyone | | | | the new one that you've tailored to your own |
| should ever choose to put up with ill treatment - | | | | requirements. Of course, you'll never know whether |
| even intermittent ill treatment. | | | | you're missing out on something that will really help |
| So what more useful beliefs could you hold about | | | | you to feel as good about yourself as you deserve |
| yourself? | | | | to, unless you give it a serious try. |
| Well, first of all, how about the belief that you can | | | | So why not start noticing which of your beliefs are |
| 'kick' beliefs that are not useful to you? After all, how | | | | useful to you right now, in your current situation? If |
| has the belief that you have to stick with the old | | | | they're not, you can start clearing your subconscious |
| beliefs about powerlessness and worthlessness ever | | | | fridge. You may find that it's far easier than you |
| been useful to you. What positive result has it ever | | | | believed it to be. |
| brought about in your life? | | | | That's what makes it such a pleasure to help women |
| Second, you can start telling yourself just how great | | | | move on to become the person they know they |
| you are. I've worked with abused women for years | | | | truly can be. |
| now, and one of the most fascinating things that I've | | | | |