| #ffffff;" /> | | | | Here’s an example: If you say you are |
| It happens without notice. You realize you’re | | | | committed to having a loving marriage, but allow your |
| lost in the fog. You feel unhappy and you start to | | | | spouse to abuse you then the real truth is you are |
| search. The issue itself doesn’t matter as | | | | not committed to a loving relationship at all. Your |
| much as the universal feeling of being uncomfortable | | | | actions show that you are secretly committed to |
| in your skin or feeling out of alignment. This feeling | | | | making sure not to rock the boat. Or perhaps your |
| happens at midlife. It happens when you are at a | | | | real commitment is to making sure you don’t |
| cross roads or a life transition, or it happens when | | | | make your partner mad, or you are unconsciously |
| you are trying to build a business and you enter that | | | | committed to sacrificing yourself so you can stay |
| black pit of confusion as you hire one guru after | | | | married at all costs. However, the commitment to |
| another to help rescue you from the drama. If any | | | | “stay married” is different than the |
| of this applies to you, here are five ways to stop | | | | commitment to build a loving relationship. The |
| the drama that’s keeping you stuck. | | | | requirements are different for those two |
| Distinguish “the drama” from | | | | commitments. The choices you make will tell you |
| “your drama.” | | | | what you are truly committed to. |
| The Drama is the gap between what you actually | | | | Much of the time we make an unconscious |
| have and what you really want. “The | | | | commitment that involves changing other people. We |
| drama” is also the gap between who you | | | | can’t change other people but once we get |
| actually are and who you really want to be. You are | | | | clear on our own commitment people often change |
| here, but you want to be there. You are single but | | | | anyway. The one with the strongest commitment |
| you want to be married, or you wanted the | | | | rules the relationship and this is the easiest way to |
| promotion but got looked over again. You live in LA | | | | take full responsibility for any failure to turn it around |
| but you want to live in New York. You have a | | | | for a positive outcome. |
| bachelor’s degree but you want a | | | | Use the “what if” technique |
| master’s degree and so on. The drama is | | | | If you are still feeling stuck after working through |
| nothing more than the gap that represents the | | | | the first three exercises, try the “what |
| distance between what you have and what you | | | | if” technique. If you can suspend judgment |
| want. Once you distinguish “the | | | | for just one hour you can literally change your |
| drama” from “your drama” | | | | destiny. If you believe in the “law of |
| you can turn what was perceived as a failure into an | | | | attraction” you must know that how you feel |
| opportunity for personal growth and emotional | | | | determines what you get. So the objective is to |
| intelligence. | | | | make yourself feel better about any failure you are |
| Ask yourself this question: “Where would I | | | | experiencing. You must quit judging and instead reach |
| be without my drama?” | | | | for possibilities. You do this by saying “what |
| We often use our personal “dramas” | | | | if…” then you look for the positive |
| to make excuses for where we are instead of | | | | aspects. Examples include |
| looking for solutions to move forward. For example, I | | | | ·“What if there is a purpose in what |
| met a young man at the grocery store who said that | | | | just happened?” |
| he would love to be a fireman but he couldn’t | | | | ·“What if this had to happen so that |
| afford to go to college to get the required two-year | | | | something really big could happen later?” |
| degree therefore he was stuck in a job he | | | | ·What am I supposed to learn? |
| didn’t like and he perceived himself as a | | | | ·What if I laugh about this five years from |
| failure. The only failure he is really experiencing is | | | | now? |
| getting stuck in his drama, which is his reaction to | | | | ·What if I find a way to share this so other |
| where he is versus where he wants to be. If he | | | | people can find comfort? |
| were to ask the question, “Where would I be | | | | Once you find the possibilities you start the flow and |
| without my drama?” he would find his solution | | | | turn your failure into a huge opportunity for growth |
| and move forward. There are many solutions, which | | | | and success. |
| can be found by making other choices. Get a loan. | | | | Regain your power |
| Get a grant. Go part time. Save some money. Get a | | | | When you are feeling lost or confused you have lost |
| roommate. The only time we fail is when we give up. | | | | your power to choose. If you want to be successful |
| Once you ask this question you can recover from | | | | simply take full responsibility for your life. The way |
| failure. At the very least you will spend less time and | | | | you do this is to realize that all of life is made up of |
| energy on the perceived failure. | | | | little choices. Yes, there are circumstances that |
| Make a new commitment | | | | happen to you, but in the end it is your choices that |
| Ask yourself what you are really committed to. Are | | | | give you power or drain your energy. You gain |
| you committed to your drama or are you committed | | | | power through making conscious choices and you |
| to happiness? Once you get clear on your | | | | lose power when you react out of an ingrained |
| commitment you can overcome any obstacle. You | | | | pattern or when you react because of some trigger |
| do this by filling in the blank “I am committed | | | | that you haven’t learned how to control. The |
| to_________.” Then you watch every thing | | | | best way to see if someone is in a victim pattern of |
| you say and every thing you do to see if your | | | | thinking is when you ask the question, “What |
| actions and words line up with what you say you are | | | | are your choices,” and they answer, |
| committed to. We reveal our commitments through | | | | “I don’t have any.” |
| our choices, whether we give voice to our | | | | Responsibility is the recognition of choice. Real power |
| commitments or not. | | | | comes in the ability to choose. |