| When two people become engaged and then | | | | kids. But, if these studies are correct, perhaps |
| married, in the forefront of their minds are their love | | | | divorce is the better option for all involved. |
| for each other. They are probably envisioning a | | | | Both parents usually do care for their children. And if |
| lifetime of married bliss possibly surrounded by a | | | | they decide together to do what's best for the |
| brood of kids. The possibility of spousal abuse in their | | | | children, this may provide the best incentive for them |
| marriage is something that they've probably never | | | | to work things out between them and eliminate the |
| envisioned. And yet, one of the primary reasons | | | | abuse. But not every couple can successfully do this. |
| given for couples divorcing in the U.S. is spousal | | | | And for those couples who cannot, an amiable |
| physical abuse or emotional abuse. | | | | divorce is probably better than an abused marriage. |
| In most cases the target of the domestic abuse is | | | | But it's hard to argue that staying together is in a |
| the woman. And it's difficult to overstate the danger | | | | child's best interest when he sees his father |
| that the woman and the children could be in if the | | | | threatening his mom with physical violence on a |
| husband is unable or unwilling to deal with his anger | | | | regular basis. Or when he sees his mom constantly |
| issues. But in many cases, especially in cases of | | | | belittling his dad for perceived or real slights. |
| verbal abuse, the victim is the man. We don't hear | | | | Spousal abuse can also have an effect on child |
| much about it because, in this society, men are more | | | | custody. Many states allows a court to refuse to |
| embarrassed to admit to abuse. | | | | award a parent sole or even joint custody of the |
| In marriages where spousal abuse is going on, the | | | | children if it can be proven that the parent has |
| history of couples eventually working out their | | | | abused his or her spouse. In some states, the |
| differences, is not promising. It can happen, if the | | | | custody will pretty much automatically be given to |
| couple is willing to have counseling and actually work | | | | the wife. But fortunately in more and more cases, an |
| on their problems. But, in most cases, a reconciliation | | | | honest effort is made to determine in whose |
| is doomed from the start because there will not be | | | | custody the welfare of the child will be best served. |
| an honest attempt to work out the problems. Even | | | | There is no doubt that physical violence and |
| in cases where both adults attend counseling, usually | | | | emotional abuse are valid grounds for divorce. But |
| one attends at the insistence of the other, not | | | | that doesn't mean that the decision to have one will |
| because he or she really wants to work on the | | | | be easy. |
| relationship. | | | | The couples with probably the hardest decision to |
| But domestic abuse affects more than just the | | | | make regarding divorce are those where one or both |
| adults in the relationship. If also has an effect on the | | | | of the marriage partner's religion prohibits or frowns |
| children. Studies show that children who witness their | | | | upon divorce. They face the difficulty of divorcing |
| parents fighting and beating each other, tend to be | | | | and possibly disavowing one of the main tenets of |
| less well adjusted than even children from divorced | | | | their religion or staying together and living a miserable |
| parents. Many parents feel that it is their duty to | | | | life by suffering the constant abuse from their |
| stay together in their marriage for the welfare of the | | | | partner. |