| Domestic abuse is all too common in the world. In | | | | your children. The police must be your first line of |
| almost 20 percent of all marriages in the United | | | | defense where your physical safety is concerned. |
| States, couples push, shove, punch, pull, hit, or | | | | If not in immediate danger, you can also call your |
| otherwise assault each other. | | | | local United Way, battered womens shelter, |
| Emotional abuse,threats, intimidation, humiliation, insults | | | | community crisis line or community family services |
| or degrading remarks and controlling,dominating | | | | agency. They will let you know which services are |
| behavior is common. The good news, however is | | | | available to you and how to access them. |
| that help is available through psychological and family | | | | Most communities have spousal support services and |
| counseling. | | | | and an available battered womens shelter where you |
| Younger couples are most prone to abuse and | | | | and your children can stay. If the violence has not |
| violence, and, without intervention, it often escalates | | | | escalated to the point that you fear for your safety, |
| in intensity or frequency. Shoving or pushing is the | | | | but you recognize that your arguments are not |
| way most violence begins in young marriages. | | | | healthy and want to prevent them from destroying |
| Spouses frequently ignore early abusive events and | | | | your marriage, there are additional options available to |
| rationalize that once the current problems are over, | | | | you. |
| the abuse will end. In spite of the tendency to | | | | Chances are that your community has anger |
| rationalize away these incidents, its important to | | | | management programs that can be found through |
| remember that even minor acts of violence often | | | | your local United Way or community mental health |
| escalate over time. This increases the risk of injury | | | | agencies. These programs focus on teaching you the |
| and physical harm. | | | | skills to resolve conflict and to handle anger |
| There are various forms of abuse and marital | | | | constructively. Support groups found through the |
| violence. Frequently, a husbands controlling behavior is | | | | same resources can also help you maintain a |
| the wifes first sign that she may be in an abusive | | | | commitment to living in a nonviolent household. |
| relationship. Controlling behavior is often a crucial red | | | | You may also need to participate in marital therapy. |
| flag. | | | | Marital therapists implement expert treatment plans |
| The husband may try to prevent her from visiting or | | | | to teach strategies for resolving conflict appropriately. |
| talking to friends or family. He may try to make her | | | | When looking for a therapist, tell him or her about |
| feel guilty or afraid if she chooses to engage in | | | | the violence in your relationship and ask about the |
| separate personal activities or spend time with | | | | type of experience and training he has in working |
| friends. | | | | with such cases. |
| Increasing social isolation combined with the infliction | | | | Through marital treatment provided by a professional |
| of verbal or physical assaults can strengthen | | | | counselor or psychologist, you will be given the tools |
| intimidation and control. Under these conditions, over | | | | to eliminate abuse, constructively resolve conflict and |
| time, a woman often feels like a prisoner in her own | | | | improve your relationship. Also, if you decide to leave |
| home. | | | | your relationship, a therapist can help you and your |
| Abuse takes different forms in relationships. When | | | | children cope effectively with the resulting changes |
| angry, the husband and wife will often slap or shove | | | | and trauma. The psychologist or therapist can help |
| each other or call each other insulting names. Often, | | | | you develop your strengths and improve your coping |
| they are more concerned about their egos, winning | | | | skills. |
| rather than losing or not losing face than the abuse | | | | What to do if a Relative or Friend is in a Violent |
| itself. Also, most importantly, neither spouse views | | | | Relationship |
| themselves as being the victim of an abusive | | | | If someone you care about is the victim of a violent |
| relationship. | | | | relationship, be sure to let them know you care for |
| However, even intimidation and humiliation that is not | | | | their well-being, regardless of whether they stay or |
| part of the typical controlling or frightening relationship | | | | leave their spouse. Women often stay in violent |
| causes horrendous problems. They can destroy the | | | | relationships because of the mistaken assumption |
| relationship, lead to legal problems, physical and | | | | that they cannot make it without their partners. |
| emotional injuries and have long-term devastating | | | | Battered women often feel isolated because they |
| effects on the helpless children who have to witness | | | | are embarrassed and have no one to talk to with |
| it. Counseling and psychotherapy can provide valuable | | | | about the abuse. If you notice any injuries, |
| help in situations like this. | | | | depression or anxiety gently inquire about what is |
| How can I get help if I am in an abusive relationship? | | | | happening and listen with compassion and without |
| Remember, domestic violence is a crime; therefore, | | | | judgment. If your friend decides to go for help, make |
| one important way to get help is to call the police. | | | | her aware of the resources for battered women in |
| Your first response must be to protect yourself and | | | | your community and accompany her if necessary. |