| Over the years I have been watching men and | | | | assume abusive relationships are about one partner |
| women grow to become self-sufficient, | | | | controlling another. |
| self-respecting people who have no tolerance for | | | | However, the only way these two people stay |
| being abused any more. These people have | | | | together is if both remain in the relationship. And the |
| completely healed from domestic abuse. | | | | victimized partner generally hangs around hoping to |
| How do you know if you are going to be one of | | | | change-fix-the other person, or at least serve up to |
| these people versus the person that ends up in | | | | his/her pleasing so as to keep a lid on their partner. |
| another abusive relationship? Here are some pointers | | | | Between you and me, this positioning and |
| for knowing you're home free when it comes to | | | | maneuvering is privately about containing/controlling |
| being victimized by intimate partner abuse... | | | | the other person's behavior with respect to oneself. |
| 1) You are more interested in being centered, than | | | | The moment one awakens to the fact that it is not |
| being right. | | | | their job, nor is it within their means to control |
| We know that abusers need to be "right." That's part | | | | another, they stop actively seeking and privately |
| of the dynamics of abusive relationships. Batterers | | | | hoping to do so. |
| maintain an unequal balance of power in these | | | | 3) You require being honored and respected in order |
| relationships, by always coming up on top-always | | | | to be involved. |
| being right. | | | | When you discover this one in yourself, you are |
| Now if you have been in one of these tug-of-wars, | | | | holding the gold! You can trust you will not end up in |
| you have experienced yourself struggling to be right | | | | another abusive relationship. And if you are |
| as you duke with your bully. Whether you win or not; | | | | completely clear about this concept, you will find |
| well that's another question. The point here is that | | | | yourself walking away from bullies on the job, bullies |
| you know this struggle and, from where you stand | | | | on your block, bullies in the world. You simply won't |
| today, no way would you walk down that road. | | | | be bullied. |
| 2) You do not need to control others, nor will you be | | | | If you discover these three ways of being in |
| controlled by another person. | | | | yourself and with others, you are not likely to fall |
| It's no secret that abuse is all about control. But most | | | | prey to another round of intimate partner abuse. |
| people think of the control only going one way. They | | | | |