Healing From an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse may not healthe reason why some victims usually end up going
by itself over time. Given that its impact targetsback to their abusers.
more the psychic areas than the body, you could beA typical abusive relationship is a cycle: your husband
unconsciously scarred for a long period of time.will blame you for his misfortune, screaming and
Because the damage is on the self-esteem andinsulting you even in crowded places and after that,
identity areas, healing emotional abuse means healingseeing your resolve to leave, he will repent and ask
primarily both your mind and soul, not your body.for your forgiveness. This is motivated by his fear,
Healing an emotionally abusive relationship can onlyonce he sees that you are really contemplating
take place once you realize that you are indeed in aleaving him, he will do any promises necessary to
power grab, abusive control style of relationship, notkeep you near.
an egalitarian one. Prior to this, you need to do theIn the end, you'll find yourself back in his arms, hoping
following:against reason that it won't happen again but it will
Accepting the sad reality that you are in an abusivehappen again. Offering understanding and
relationship is hard and painful, but necessary. Youcomprehension of his abusive behaviors is not the
can't continue thinking that he is "too tired" orwisest thing to do because his actions still are
"making jokes but not seriously making fun aboutgenerated from a part of him he doesn't know and
you." This is for real a sad place where he tries tocontrol.
humiliate you to keep you under his control.The most effective way to heal your mind and soul
Being with both feet on the reality ground will giveis to seek help from your friends, family and
you a good reason to fight back. At this point, theprofessional experts. Your friends and family are also
unequal relationship between you and your husband isready to help you. You are not alone in this battle. In
already twisted. Whatever the explanations he wouldthis critical period of your life, you will know who
give about abusing you, he still has no right toyour true friends really are. People who would not
humiliate and insult another person.see the damage to your self-esteem and insist on
And the fact that he is abusing the same personyou keeping the marriage alive only by yourself will
who has surrendered to him by way of love tells youproduce more hurt.
that there is not a lot of character in him. Probably heForgiving and understanding him will not yield any
is scared of you leaving him and thus he has decidedresults if he is not willing to examine his behavior and
to control you in such a way you will think there isbe ready to give up power and the will to control
nobody else left who would accept you. This is theyou by abuse. You need to seek power within you
decision that escalates the mistakes he is alreadyand learn to cope with life without his abusive
doing, because you as a any woman deserve to besupport. Honestly, you need to trust your own
loved and respected and cared for.power and know that can do many things without
Here is the main point: while you experience the needhim. Learn to trust yourself that you can live without
to be appreciated, valued and cherished by him, andhis abuse and power to humiliate you.
only by him, he is so scared that he prefers you toThe most effective way to heal your mind and soul
hate him by means of making you feel abused. Thisis to seek help from your friends, family and
twisted take makes the relationship extremelyprofessional experts. Your friends and family are also
difficult: you could forgive him only if he realizes whatready to help you. You are not alone in this battle. In
he is doing (destroying the relationship) and makesthis critical period of your life, you will know who
amends and asks for forgiveness....He is not at thatyour true friends really are.
point yet, if he is not willing to learn how to makeLove yourself more than loving and taking care of
you really feel respected and loved.him. Remember that you are not guilty of his abuse,
Even when you can still feel that he is the man ofwhich is always his choice, therefore you should not
your life, the only person worthy of your love is thebe blamed for his behavior. A man can only be
man who respects you. And from this point of view,blamed for his own choices, because he can decide
he is not the right man for you now.always how to behave using logic and reason. And is
While healing an emotionally abusive relationship, youirrational for him to blame you for his problems and
will gradually take back your freedom both physicalmisfortune. A man like this needs to grow up,
and mental. There is a lot of anger and frustration inobserve what is he doing wrong and ask for
any abused person like you....and it takes time toforgiveness from you. If you can let him take
process.ownership of his own problems, you then can take
You must have lots of questions to be resolved:care of yourself and your own needs for support,
Why did he need to do such nasty things? where didcompanionship and respect.
he learn how to humiliate others? Does he realize theOnce healing of your emotionally abusive relationship
deep hurt his behavior is causing?occurs, the next step is to learn to let go of your
While searching for answers, a woman leaving herpast. Putting the past back means not to be all day
abuser has her mind and soul still trapped. There isoccupied thinking on what happened with him.
the constant hope that this time he will recognize theOtherwise, you will feel lots of real and negative
damage, and go back to his loving self and apologizeemotions like anger, frustration, shame, fear, hurt,
to her.....this is her dream: to be finally justified by hisrejection and guilt. This would keep you lingering on
repentance.and not moving on.
Meanwhile, it's difficult to leave him if he doesn'tWorking with a good support group, a therapist or a
recognize his own influence in the matrimonialreligious advisor you can get the support needed to
relationship. If he keeps denying that what he does isprocess all the negativity and design a better future
abuse, you could get blindsided by his words, this isfor yourself and the children.