| Living in a violent family affects children in | | | | threatening because it could explode into harmful |
| characteristic ways. In my therapy practice I have | | | | violence. This produces an inability to tolerate conflict |
| worked with many individuals and couples who have | | | | or even differences of opinion. When conflict is seen |
| grown up with violent parents. I have learned that | | | | as dangerous it tends to be avoided. This leads to |
| family violence, even when not directed at children, | | | | emotional withdrawal which can quickly devitalize a |
| causes deep emotional damage. It produces adults | | | | marriage. |
| who have difficulty forming, maintaining and regulating | | | | Finally, growing up with violence causes people to |
| intimate relationships. | | | | confuse intimacy with fighting. In some families |
| In violent families personal space is routinely invaded. | | | | conflict is the only connection people have. Children |
| A feeling of fear pervades the household and | | | | then learn that violence is a way to feel close, to |
| everyone is affected. The children grow up unable to | | | | gain attention and to test affection. As adults they |
| set personal limits. They expect their boundaries to | | | | will recreate violent scenes in order to have some |
| be disrespected. They have trouble honoring their | | | | emotional contact. |
| own needs and desires and feel personally affronted | | | | We are beginning to worry about the massive |
| by the needs and desires of others. | | | | quantities and the horrific qualities of violence in the |
| Violent families make anger dangerous. Witnessing | | | | media our children are constantly exposed to. Maybe |
| violence among their loved ones causes children to | | | | it's a valid concern but it's nothing compared to the |
| grow up fearing their own anger and so they | | | | effect of real violence in families. And that's not even |
| suppress it, becoming alienated from their own | | | | counting the bruises! |
| normal feelings. Other people's anger is also | | | | |