| I've met many fathers who want to know how to | | | | During my three-year divorce battle, the most |
| win a custody battle whilst fighting a restraining | | | | invaluable move I ever made towards finding a |
| order, and some of them expect a miracle solution to | | | | solution to the mess I found myself in was to |
| their problems which can fix everything with the | | | | increase the level of direct involvement. I had a crisis |
| wave of a magic wand. Unfortunately, there's no | | | | meeting about the cases I was already paying my |
| such thing. The good news, though, is that there are | | | | lawyer to handle, because the lack of progress |
| tried and tested methods to help you win a custody | | | | became too frustrating. What I did was start to |
| battle whilst fighting a restraining order. And you | | | | follow outside advice on what kind of evidence I |
| definitely don't need to hire a big shot, expensive | | | | should be gathering to support my defense (names |
| lawyer to do it. | | | | of witnesses to important events, store receipts, |
| The main problem is that modern divorce courts | | | | email communication), and actively taking the lead on |
| practically encourage an ex to file a restraining order | | | | winning the case. |
| based on phony abuse allegations. They don't | | | | I ended up achieving more in the final three months |
| encourage it directly, of course, but the advantages | | | | of my custody case than my lawyer had done in the |
| are so great that a lot of lawyers advise their clients | | | | two years before, and it taught me a very valuable |
| to do this as standard procedure - in other words, | | | | life lesson that I will never forget: |
| whether there is any merit to the accusations against | | | | Fathers only get one chance to see their kids grow |
| you or not. For example, it's becoming more common | | | | up, and life is far too short to let phony restraining |
| these days to have a father fighting a restraining | | | | order cases plod along, with us crossing both fingers |
| order so that maintenance payments are increased | | | | in the hope that it turns in our favor. |
| (since he can't see his kids any more, they can't stay | | | | After fighting the restraining order, winning my |
| overnight, and your ex will argue that she needs | | | | custody battle and being awarded 100% care of my |
| more financial help to support them). | | | | two sons, I realised just how important it is to make |
| Added to all this is that the burden of proof is | | | | the right moves in these situations. It's scary how |
| incredibly low; when a father is fighting a restraining | | | | close I came to being one of the thousands of |
| order, far too often it becomes permanent simply | | | | American dads out there who didn't know what to |
| because they didn't know how to defend themselves | | | | do for the best and relied solely on their lawyer's |
| in a courtroom, or they relied on a lawyer to do it | | | | competence to enable them to ever see their kids |
| for them. | | | | again. |