| "She had tolerated five years of infidelity, mental | | | | friendly" with me. |
| abuse, and battering; but the rape of her little sister | | | | It also irked my date that Nueng was not the usual |
| was the last straw. She finally left him...and ended up | | | | "terrified to speak English" (especially to a foreigner) |
| in my house." | | | | Thai woman. On the contrary, Nueng was a good |
| "Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that's good in life..." | | | | sport. She was not afraid to speak (and mangle) the |
| *Below is the fifth episode in a series of real life | | | | English language. I reciprocated with a proper bashing |
| events experienced by the author. The only | | | | of the Thai language, having great fun trying to |
| deviations from the truth may be the names of | | | | make sounds that have no English counterpart |
| people and places. | | | | whatsoever! No exaggeration - sometimes I think it |
| - Open House - | | | | takes an extra tongue (or at least a spare epiglottis) |
| We (my "adopted" sister, her husband, and I) have | | | | to speak Thai! |
| an "open house" policy. | | | | I also remember telling my sister that Nueng |
| If any friend falls on hard times and needs a place to | | | | reminded me of a girlfriend I had in Hawaii (many |
| stay, all he/she has to do is call, or simply drop in. | | | | years ago). |
| Over the past two years, we've taken in countless | | | | - That First Night - |
| "strays" and helped them as much as we could. | | | | During the first night at my place, I could plainly see |
| Whether it was a battered wife, abused girl | | | | that Nueng was hurting. Being Thai, she forced |
| boyfriend, abandoned child, or delinquent adolescent; | | | | herself to smile whenever I looked at her, but her |
| my home became the most popular haven in our | | | | eyes couldn't conceal her true feelings. |
| "Mubon" (Thai: village) and "Soi" (Thai: street), a warm | | | | Her beautiful brown, Asian eyes displayed a forlorn |
| and safe place to go when there were no other | | | | look - that sad expression seen on people with no |
| options. | | | | one (and no place) to call their own. Of course, there |
| The visitors stayed long enough to overcome their | | | | were countless other reasons for her unhappiness |
| individual, temporary crisis - sometimes two weeks, | | | | too (shock, rage, loss, grief, heartbreak, uncertainty - |
| sometimes two months. Once they were back on | | | | and the list goes on and on). |
| their feet again (emotionally, physically, and | | | | Recently overcoming heartbreak, I truly empathized |
| financially), we bid them a hearty farewell; wishing | | | | with Nueng, trying to make her feel as comfortable |
| them all the best for a better life. | | | | as possible - and failing miserably. My clumsy |
| The benevolence was always repaid - not in money, | | | | attempts at hospitality only widened the cultural gap |
| but in much needed assistance. | | | | between us, reinforcing the fact that, yes, I am a |
| As a Falang in Thailand, the simplest things tend to be | | | | "Falang" (Thai: foreigner) in Thailand. |
| frustratingly difficult to accomplish. Many times, when | | | | Sadly, Falangs in Thailand don't have the greatest |
| I needed help doing mundane, but vital, tasks (e.g., | | | | reputation for being respectable or reliable. |
| ordering food, purchasing a motorcycle, getting | | | | Since I couldn't communicate well with Nueng, I could |
| directions, traveling by taxi or bus, changing currency, | | | | only imagine what she was going through. Maybe she |
| etc.); I could rely on the people I'd helped in the past. | | | | was wrestling with the idea of going back to her |
| Asians have very long memories, indeed. It is not | | | | abusive boyfriend? Statistics show that recidivism (to |
| uncommon to return to a place many years later and | | | | repeat a bad habit or return to an abusive situation) |
| find that casual acquaintances still remember your | | | | is high among abused girlfriends and spouses. |
| name, the things you did, and the things you like or | | | | Inwardly, I deeply hoped she would be strong |
| dislike. | | | | enough to do what was best for her life (and |
| - Number One - | | | | safety). |
| Her name was Nueng (Thai: Number One). In any | | | | - To Commiserate, or Not To Commiserate? - |
| other country, she would be described as quite | | | | I wanted to reach out to Nueng and tell her that |
| attractive: smooth, brown skin; a slim, athletic figure; | | | | things will only get better. |
| long, dark brown hair that cascaded down her back, | | | | But I personally knew that during the post-breakup |
| and an exotic face that held a beautiful smile and | | | | shock and blues period, words don't really help much. |
| alluring eyes. | | | | Good people, kind actions, and a different, supporting |
| But by Thai standards, she was "over the hill" at 24 | | | | environment soothes emotional wounds better than |
| years old. | | | | listening to cliché-sounding advice. |
| In her younger years (from ages 16 through 21), she | | | | I wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about her |
| was considered quite a beauty, being the object of | | | | situation. |
| desire of all the local men in her village. Unfortunately, | | | | I wanted to tell her how I profoundly understood |
| she ended up with the local Bad Boy and spent most | | | | what's she's currently feeling. I wanted to tell her |
| of her "beauty years" in an abusive relationship. | | | | that abuse isn't just a "woman problem," it happens |
| Out of personal pride and familial/public pressure, | | | | to men too. If she heard about my recent |
| Nueng stubbornly tolerated years of infidelity, lies, | | | | experiences dealing with the ex's infidelity, lies, mental |
| and physical abuse from her longtime boyfriend. But | | | | abuse, financial recklessness, and eventual break-up, |
| the rape of her little sister was the last straw. She | | | | would it help? |
| finally left him...and, via my sister, ended up in my | | | | Maybe it would plunge her deeper into sadness? Was |
| house. | | | | it the right time, or even an appropriate subject to |
| - Nueng Who? - | | | | talk about? To commiserate, or not to commiserate - |
| Nueng arrived on a Friday afternoon while I was still | | | | that was the question. |
| working. My sister had already asked me if it was | | | | Using my bilingual sister as a translator, I told Nueng |
| alright for Nueng to stay with us, saying, "You met | | | | to relax and make herself at home. |
| her last year at the 'Moo Kra Ta' (Thai: BBQ), | | | | "You can stay as long as you need to," I said. |
| remember?" | | | | "Kop khun kaa, Khun J.C., kop khun kaa maak (Thank |
| I said, "No (I don't remember), but if she needs a | | | | you, Mr. J.C., thank you very much.)," she said, with a |
| place to stay, yes, of course, it's okay with me." | | | | respectful "Wai" (a Thai gesture that is performed by |
| When I saw Nueng, I instantly remembered who she | | | | putting the hands together, prayer-like, and touching |
| was. | | | | the thumbs to the chin). |
| During a birthday party at a local Moo Kra Ta for a | | | | "If you want to stay here, you have to call me just |
| friend last year, Nueng and I met and spoke briefly. I | | | | plain ole' J.C. No 'Mr.' please. It makes me feel much |
| also remember that the woman who accompanied | | | | older than I am," I said. |
| me to the party got very jealous of Nueng - mainly, | | | | After the translation, Nueng's face lit up with a bright |
| because Nueng was, as the girlfriend put it, "too | | | | smile. |