| "I know what's best for you...better than you do." | | | | with you, while you find your way." |
| Sound familiar? | | | | It's that lovely? Can you feel the freedom to |
| If you are in an intimate relationship that has | | | | discover and become who you really are in this |
| emotional psychological abuse, you know this | | | | message? What do you expect this will do for you |
| message, whether delivered directly or indirectly. The | | | | and for your relationship? |
| message says, "You need to trust my wisdom-over | | | | 1) It will let you find yourself and be the "You" that |
| your own-regarding issues specific to you." | | | | you are. |
| Now, when you are living in an abusive relationship, | | | | 2) It will help you see the relationship as a "safe" |
| you even come to recognize the subtle | | | | place to be and to grow. |
| reinforcement "routine" employed to help you buy | | | | 3) It will let you know your partner as someone who |
| into this propaganda. You might observe reprimand or | | | | lets you become more of what you are, rather than |
| the withholding of something you desire when you | | | | less of what you are. |
| resist the other person's conclusions | | | | 4) This nourishment will be a cornerstone of what |
| recommendations. And conversely, you are showered | | | | defines your relationship and it will serve to support |
| with positive "reinforcers" when you yield to the | | | | you and your partner, presuming you also do the |
| believe system. Goodies are given: whatever it is that | | | | same with him/her. |
| you will work for is suddenly available to you. | | | | If you easily identify with the first image as |
| This is how domestic abuse survivors are groomed | | | | described: "I know what's best for you...better than |
| to discount their inner knowing and ultimately come | | | | you do.", and you see the fresh air in the second |
| to lose contact with their inner wisdom. Eventually, | | | | image, then you are ready to create intimate |
| they reflexively look outward for their answers and | | | | relationships of mutual honoring and respect. |
| fail to factor in a wealth of hidden internal personal | | | | You are ready to shed your tolerance for |
| datum. | | | | self-silencing and the deadening of your own spirit. |
| Now, take a deep breath and feel the fresh air in this | | | | This readiness is the first step to your breaking free |
| new image: Flip the relationship, flip the partner, flip | | | | from domestic abuse. Entertain this new image |
| yourself-flip who knows what's best for you. | | | | routinely and cherish the impact that it has on you |
| Imagine being with your partner and searching | | | | and on your perception of an intimate |
| earnestly for answers to pressing troubling personal | | | | relationship-whether with this person or with any |
| concerns. Now stay with me, and see this person | | | | another. |
| saying with his/her gestures and words: "I'm here | | | | |