Emotional Abuse - Living With Resentment and Anger

It's not breaking the eggs that does the lasting harm;To stop walking on eggshells, you must overcome
it's the continual walking eggshells. Emotional damageabusiveness and victim-identity. Your emphasis must
has a way of lingering in the times betweenbe on healing, growth, and empowerment. The true
resentful, angry, or abusive flare-ups. The empty, dullissue at stake is your core value - the most
ache of unhappiness is most accurately measured inimportant things about you as a person - not his
the accumulative effect of these small moments ofbehavior or your reaction to it. As you reinforce and
disconnection, isolation, and dread. Take thereconnect with your core value, you are far less likely
The following quiz reveals what it feels like to walkto be a victim. As you experience the enormous
on eggshells day after day. Read it aloud - thedepth of your core value, the last thing you will want
objectivity in hearing your own voice say the words -to do is identify with being a victim, i.e. with "damage"
especially your answers -is the first step towardor with bad things that have happened to you. In
healing.your core value you will identify with your inherent
If you live with a resentful, angry, or abusive partner,strengths, talents, skills, and power as a unique,
you probably have a vague feeling, at least now andever-growing, competent, and compassionate person.
then, that you have lost yourself. In your constantYou want to outgrow walking on eggshells, not
efforts to tiptoe around someone else's moods insimply survive it, and you do that only by realizing
the hope of avoiding blow-ups, put-downs, criticism,your fullest value as a person.
sighs of disapproval, or cold shoulders, you constantlyYou Both Walk on Eggshells
edit what you say. You second-guess your ownIf you feel that you are walking on eggshells, you
judgment, your own ideas, and your ownprobably do not realize that your partner is, too,
preferences about how to live. You begin to questionthough in a different way. He is so reactive to you
what you think is right and wrong. Ultimately, yourand so unable to regulate his reactions that he
perceptions of reality and your very sense of selfconstantly expects you to say or do something that
change for the worse.will "push his buttons" and "make" him withdraw or
The cold fact is that it's hard not to lose yourself inattack. He feels that you are totally in control of his
the morass of what you should say or what youemotions, and all he can do is pout or shout like a
need to do (to keep things peaceful) and how you'redefiant child. He feels that you control him.
supposed to be at any given moment. If you haveThe Pendulum of Pain
to be one thing one minute and behave a differentPlease do not make the mistake of thinking that you
way in another (depending on your partner's moods),can heal yourself simply by getting in touch with your
your confidence and sense of self can seem tounderstandable resentment and anger and leaving
disappear. You begin to feel that you cannot reclaimyour relationship. Most of the women who leave (or
yourself or begin to feel better until he changes andnearly leave) out of resentment and anger end up
starts treating you better.returning out of guilt, shame, and anxiety, when they
The understandable but tragic expectation that yousee how lost their husbands seem without them.
are dependent on him for your emotional well being isThey enjoy a brief honeymoon period following the
the first thing you must change. You must heal andreunion, until the tension returns and the resentment
grow, whether or not he changes. Although ourand anger get overwhelming. So they leave again (or
inborn sense of fairness and justice tells you that hewithdraw emotionally from their husbands), only to
ought to be the one to make changes, your pain tellsface renewed guilt, shame, and abandonment
you that you need to become the fully alive personanxiety, once the resentment and anger subside.
you are meant to be. This means that you have toSometimes economic considerations drive women to
remove the focus from him and put it squarely onreturn to these relationships, but they are not the
you. Happily, that is also the best thing you can domost compelling factor. Research shows that women
the help him and your relationship. This book will helpwith means return to walking-on-eggshells
you reclaim your true sense of self. That is itsrelationships as often as women who are financially
primary goal. But it will also help change yourdependent. My own mother, like many of my clients,
relationship.was the sole support of our family, yet she returned
All the tools you need to heal are in these pages. Allto my unemployed, resentful, angry, and abusive
the tools that he needs to replace resentment,father 13 times in my first 11 years of life.
anger, or abusive behavior with compassion are alsoThis pattern of leaving (or nearly leaving) out of
in these pages. The first part of the book is aboutanger and resentment, only to return out of guilt,
reintegrating your deepest values into your everydayshame, and anxiety is a hallmark of walking on
sense of self. This will make you feel more valuable,eggshells. I call it a pendulum of pain. It has nothing to
confident, and powerful, regardless of what yourdo with your "indecisiveness" or your personality. It
partner -- or anyone else -- says or does. As youfollows from the strengths of your emotions, from
read these pages and reconnect to your deepestyour attachment to your husband, which we'll explore
values, you will naturally, forcefully, andmore in the next chapter. Resentment and anger at
compassionately demand value and respect fromloved ones always resolve into guilt, shame, and
your partner. Your compassionate demand forabandonment anxiety. These painful, completely
change is likely to be the only thing that will motivateirrational emotions keep you attached to your
him to once again be the man you married. Buthusband no matter how bad the relationship is -
whether or not he changes, you must connect withthese emotions developed in our brains at a time
your enormous inner value, resources, and personalwhen to leave the tribe meant certain death on your
power to stop walking on eggshells and to emergeown, by starvation or saber tooth tiger.
as the richly creative, beautiful whole person youAs long as you love someone, the only way to keep
truly are.resentment and anger from turning to guilt, shame,
The Worst Thingsand anxiety is to stay resentful and angry all the
One of the worst things that can happen to yourtime. It might be safer if you did stay resentful and
health and happiness is to live with a resentful, angry,angry all the time, but that is probably not your
or abusive partner. The worst thing you can do tonature. When your resentment subsides and your
your soul is become a resentful, angry, or abusiveanger is exhausted, the pain of seeing someone you
partner. And the worst thing you can develop in alove in distress can become overwhelming and make
love relationship is an identity as a victim, whichyou return to your now-remorseful, if not helpless,
destroys your personal power and solid sense of self.partner. However, if he does not learn to regulate his
The cry I hear over and over again from womenresentment, anger, or abusive behavior with
who walk on eggshells is, "I don't like the resentful,compassion for himself and for you, the pendulum will
angry person he's made me."swing back and forth, again and again.