| The concept of loyalty is a positive one in most | | | | relationship. This is different than true loyalty, as the |
| people's minds. It conjures visions of devotion, | | | | victim is "behaving" due to intimidation. |
| commitment, love, respect, and honor. In a healthy | | | | 3. The loyal behavior of the victimized partner in an |
| relationship that involves two emotionally balanced | | | | emotionally abusive relationship is demanded by the |
| people, loyalty is appropriate and can cement a | | | | abuser. His or her definition of "loyalty" becomes the |
| mutually satisfying, fulfilling union. However, there are | | | | defining model for the relationship. This asserts the |
| instances where "loyalty" can be seriously misplaced. | | | | abuser's control. He or she may place what most |
| If a partner is being abused emotionally or otherwise | | | | people would consider unreasonable expectations of |
| by the other person in the relationship, the devotion | | | | devotion or loyalty on the abused partner. For |
| and attachment shown by the victim is unhealthy. | | | | example the abuser might demand that the victim |
| Here are 4 reasons the concept of loyalty can be | | | | give up time with friends and family. In a balanced |
| misplaced in abusive relationships: | | | | relationship, this would be considered a controlling and |
| 1. Loyalty should arise out of love, empathy, and | | | | unreasonable request. However, in the mind of an |
| concern for how the other person would react were | | | | abuser, this can become a defining test of his or her |
| there to be a disloyal action. In other words, when | | | | concept of "loyalty." |
| faced with a temptation to do something that would | | | | 4. Rather than empathy, love, and true respect |
| hurt the other partner, a loyal person in a relationship | | | | driving the victim to act inside certain parameters, |
| acts out of a concern for the hurt feelings the | | | | the victim may also feel obligation and guilt to follow |
| partner would have about the betrayal. This does not | | | | the "rules." The abuser may accuse the victim of |
| occur in an emotionally abusive relationship. | | | | being responsible for his or her anger and abuse, |
| 2. A primary motivator for a victim of an emotional | | | | under the guise that the abused partner is disloyal |
| abuser is fear. There is worry about what price, | | | | and thus caused the abusive reaction. Thus, loyalty |
| consequence, or punishment will emerge from the | | | | as a concept is again warped away from its true |
| betrayed partner were the victim to step outside of | | | | meaning and for the victim, the primary motivation |
| the parameters of acceptable behavior in the | | | | becomes avoidance of abuse above all else. |