| When you are on the outside looking in as many of | | | | Crawford tells Elizabeth Landrau of CNN health, |
| us are the solution seems perfectly clear. As a | | | | "There are some women who need to be needed so |
| matter of fact you may have stated this to the | | | | badly they'll put up with anything. Even if the guy |
| person on numerous occasions. No doubt their | | | | beats the crap out of them, they just feel that |
| hemming and hawing or blatant refusal to take the | | | | responsible for the other person." |
| advice have caused you moments of incredible | | | | 3. Social Embarrassment |
| frustration or just outright anger. | | | | For others you can forget the physical abuse or the |
| She has been physically abused for longer than you | | | | constant fearing for their lives. That's small potatoes |
| want to remember. You know that the police have | | | | compared to what people on the outside would think. |
| been called on more than one occasion; regrettably | | | | As far as some victims are concerned if they leave |
| never by her. You also know that she has never | | | | the relationship then others may find out what's |
| pressed charges. In fact she is her significant other's | | | | going on. Being physically assaulted is one thing; public |
| greatest defender and for that reason she has told | | | | humiliation in their opinion is a whole lot worse. |
| you more than once in no uncertain terms to mind | | | | 4. The Scary Future |
| your own business. | | | | Maybe they have been married so long that it is hard |
| You can't do that. It is not just about you caring for | | | | for them to comprehend going out on their own. It |
| her as a relative or friend; it's goes beyond that. You | | | | also may be that the abuser has created the illusion |
| cannot stand the thought of this abuse being inflicted | | | | of total dependency; telling the victim over and over |
| on any person. | | | | again that there is no way they would ever be |
| The Journal of the American Medical Association | | | | successful by themselves. That's another form of |
| estimates that every year close to four million people | | | | manipulation easy to accomplish since abuse and low |
| in the United States are physically assaulted by their | | | | self esteem go hand in hand. |
| domestic partners. As the numbers and history | | | | 5. The Violent Future |
| confirm the overwhelming majority of the victims are | | | | As bad as things are this for many women ranks as |
| women. | | | | the number one reason to stay. According to The |
| So why do many of them stay in that situation? | | | | Julian Center in the United States alone, women who |
| 1. The Children | | | | leave a violent relationship are at a seventy five |
| There are all kinds of things that go with this. The | | | | percent greater risk. |
| victim may be thinking about their children's future; | | | | The abuser has lost control and will do anything to |
| emotionally and economically. So they tell themselves | | | | get it back. In fact many victims have been told by |
| the best thing to do is stay together and give the | | | | their abusers that if they leave the relationship... |
| appearance of normalcy for the kids' sake even | | | | To live another day, victims will take the abuse even |
| though they are the main eyewitnesses to what is | | | | though if they stay, they may not survive the abuse. |
| going on. | | | | Someone lays their hands on you, the relationship is |
| 2. Manipulation | | | | officially over. To those of us on the outside looking |
| The abuser knows the exact buttons to push on his | | | | in, it is that simple. Indeed if human interaction was |
| victim. A sincere apology complete with waterworks, | | | | free of any complications it would be that simple. It is |
| sweet words of love accompanied by a gentle touch | | | | not and asking victims of domestic violence why |
| and countless other tricks. Children are also used as | | | | don't they leave can be the equivalent of asking |
| an emotional weapon to keep the victim from | | | | someone who has fallen into quicksand why don't |
| leaving. | | | | they just pull themselves out? |
| And it works. Why? As clinical psychologist Mark | | | | |