| Your children are listening and sometimes watching | | | | the young friends, not knowing what to do, may tell |
| too. | | | | a teacher or parent. |
| It is a myth to think yelling and screaming, pushing, | | | | The child whose parents are violent grows terrified |
| shoving, throwing of objects and hitting between | | | | of the secret getting out. Some, unable to contain |
| parents does not affect their children. | | | | themselves and their fear may resort to drugs, |
| Consider the child's perspective. Children are wholly | | | | alcohol, promiscuity or self-mutilation to release their |
| dependent upon their parents for safety and | | | | tension. |
| security. With violence between their parents, these | | | | If you are in a violent relationship, seek help. Women |
| children are not only no longer protected but their | | | | may call upon women's shelters. Further, although |
| source of safety and security is now undermined. | | | | some people are afraid of child protective services, |
| What was to be their source of safety and security | | | | they still can refer you to counselling services for |
| are now the very persons from whom the children | | | | yourself and/or your children. |
| need protection. | | | | If you are an adult to whom a child has turned, do |
| Even when parents think the child is not witness, | | | | not fall prey to the veil of secrecy. It is secrecy that |
| they area witness. They hear it from their rooms; | | | | allows such behaviour to continue. Call child protective |
| they stand out of sight behind closed doors; they're | | | | services and do the best you can to support the |
| sometimes at the foot or top of the stairs. They | | | | child as matters unfold. Truly the violence has to stop |
| stand guard, not knowing what or how to defend | | | | and it likely will not cease without intervention. |
| their parents. | | | | Further, parents and child need support and |
| Children are terrified when their parents fight. Even if | | | | counselling to understand how this problem |
| not in the room, they hear the shouts and screams | | | | developed, their respective roles and to learn more |
| and the hits and falls. They witness broken objects, | | | | appropriate means for conflict resolution. |
| holes in walls, not to mention bruises, black eyes and | | | | If not child protective services, you may have to call |
| bloodied noses. Their fear is overwhelming and they | | | | police. Do intervene. Again, do not hesitate. A criminal |
| carry it with them long after the violent event. The | | | | act is being perpetrated and someone is being |
| thoughts haunt both their dreams and waking life. | | | | assaulted and children as witness to the assault are |
| They space out at school, unable to concentrate, | | | | suffering their own trauma. Bearing witness to |
| being taken over by memories of parental violence | | | | parental violence directly, indirectly, before during or |
| and fear. They mind wanders to thoughts of how to | | | | afterwards is a form of emotional and psychological |
| stop their parents' violence or how to protect one | | | | abuse of the child. |
| from the other. | | | | Children whose parents are subject to violent |
| Unable to tolerate the upset, some children, | | | | behaviour between themselves, are never able to |
| particularly young teens, turn to their friends. They | | | | rest comfortably until long after the violence ends. |
| slowly discuss the traumatic events, leaking a little | | | | Take responsibility to end domestic violence. Don't let |
| more and a little more. Their friends catch on and feel | | | | it continue if it comes to your attention. |
| the fear in their friends. The fear is palpable. Many of | | | | |