| The statistics indicate that when one parent, typically | | | | (For very specific information I recommend Allan |
| the male, is abusive to the other parent, the children | | | | Schore's work on attachment). |
| are more likely to be abused as well. | | | | Children who get this kind of play with Dad grow up |
| What the statistics do not indicate is that even if the | | | | with a life long sense of safety, which is a positive |
| child is not actually struck or harmed, simply living in a | | | | brain blueprint to operate from. |
| household where there is lots of fear or tension, a | | | | Broadly speaking, attachment is the attempt of baby |
| household where the parents cycle through the cycle | | | | and mom to match each others physical arousal |
| of violence for example, is damaging to the child's | | | | levels through nonverbal communication, visual and |
| attachment process and actually changes the brain, | | | | auditory and tactile cues. |
| sensitizing the child to fear. A person who has learned | | | | The more successful the pair are at doing this, the |
| that he/she cannot protect themselves(and is | | | | more successful social interaction happen, the more |
| therefore helpless) is more likely to resort to violence | | | | neurons mature and migrate to their appropriate spot |
| as a tool to exert some control in their lives, which | | | | in the childs brain, and the better developmental |
| can leave someone seriously injured. | | | | processes are completed. |
| I have a number of articles in my office of young | | | | Attachment processed can happen as often as |
| boys who have been killed or seriously injured trying | | | | every three seconds if we were to measure them |
| to protect their mothers, so this is a serious issue. | | | | linearly, so they are frequent and brief. |
| Lots of current research in domestic violence is | | | | A life time of more tranquil relationships can result |
| indicating that a problem in the attachment process, | | | | from the attention Mom and Dad pay to this process. |
| which happens in the first two years of life, can lead | | | | Poor Attachment |
| to the inability to form secure adult relationships. | | | | Just the opposite happens with poor attachment. A |
| When it is the male who forms insecure attachments | | | | child's brain requires many thousands of brief |
| as an adult, which means that when there is a | | | | attachments, but only one fearful episode to impact |
| perceived threat to attachment, the male floods with | | | | the brain forever, and the chemistry of fear lays |
| stress hormones (in 1/18th) second, he will act out in | | | | down the memory in the amygdala in 1/18th second, |
| the environment in an attempt to relax. When an | | | | and it can get cued later, by similar visual, auditory, or |
| insecure attachment style is coupled with a shaming | | | | tactile or olfactory or gustatory experiences, and the |
| father, the young man is set up for relationship | | | | now adult can be flooded with stress hormones |
| insecurities down the road. | | | | faster than they can do their anger management, |
| How is Attachment Formed? | | | | and strike out into the world. |
| Attachment is a visual process, and begins early, long | | | | If their is a history of tension between the parents, |
| before the infant is ambulatory. Mom is the first | | | | the child, who is very aware of how things are |
| attachment object, for the first year of life, and then | | | | between the care givers who keep him alive, is |
| there is room in the child's brain for a second | | | | sensitized to tension, and may over react because of |
| attachment, to Dad. Dad has a very important role in | | | | that sensitivity, years, even decades later, to a |
| the attachment process, teaching both boys and girls | | | | surprise in the environment. |
| how to regulate aggression in the gear shifting living | | | | So domestic violence as a form of child abuse, even |
| room wrestling events. | | | | if the child is not physically touched. |