| "If there is something I want from her, I can let her | | | | from psychology that at the core of this drive for |
| know without bullying, attacking, threatening or | | | | overpowering another is the experience of inner |
| belittling her." Sounds like a dream come true, doesn't | | | | impotence and personal vulnerability. |
| it? | | | | Respecting and Honoring Other as a Means to |
| This is the observation of one middle-aged successful | | | | Satisfying Self |
| businessman in domestic abuse counseling three | | | | Let's say for a moment that your spouse lifted his |
| months into the intervention. Imagine your spouse | | | | pressure strategies and instead held patient presence |
| doing the same. | | | | awaiting your reply to his requests. And further, let's |
| Why Do People Resort to Violating Others to Get | | | | imagine that you no longer need to jump in delivering |
| What They Want? | | | | against your will to appease, or hide behind your truth |
| The answer to this question holds the insight into this | | | | with indecision. |
| man's transformation. At the core is a belief that | | | | What would it take to create this interaction pattern? |
| what one wants will not be forthcoming on its own. | | | | From our work with couples, we see that when one |
| Now this can come from history within the | | | | holds reverence for communion with their partner |
| relationship and/or personal history in general. | | | | over winning, then mutual honoring and respect are |
| It may have to do with deservingness issues laid | | | | naturally cultivated over time. |
| over entitlement beliefs. Invariably, one is convinced | | | | I am convinced in doing abusive relationship therapy |
| that interactional intimate relationship success rests in | | | | that this can be taught if the people involved seek a |
| the use of force to overpower another into | | | | successful outcome and hold as their ultimate goal a |
| submission. | | | | commitment to their relationship. |
| We hear the term "power and control" tactics in | | | | If you are in an abusive relationship and you and your |
| domestic abuse circles to describe the means to | | | | partner have not yet thrown the towel in on your |
| establish and maintain an unequal distribution of | | | | marriage, consider domestic abuse treatment while |
| power within an intimate relationship. And we know | | | | you still have a chance to save your relationship. |