| You may be longing for help with domestic abuse, | | | | profound fear of being alone. |
| yet your partner is in complete denial. What do you | | | | 2) Realization of victim empathy...transcending their |
| do? Some people shy away from getting help for | | | | own self-centered narcissism and beginning to |
| domestic violence because they claim that their | | | | understand the damaging effects that their behavior |
| partner will "never" admit to being abusive. Well, this | | | | has on their partner as well as on other people in the |
| may be true, but this is certainly not a reason to | | | | family. |
| allow things to remain status-quo. | | | | 3) Legal consequences...connecting the legal |
| Your partner's denial is the normal resistance in the | | | | implications of their domestically abusive behavior |
| initial stage of treatment. Domestic violence therapy | | | | sends and sustains a enduring message. They don't |
| is designed to help one overcome that very | | | | want to get locked up. They don't want to lose their |
| resistance. Oftentimes people don't even | | | | job. And they don't want to lose their social standing. |
| acknowledge their being abusive until well into a | | | | 4) Self-inspired realization that they don't want to live |
| domestic abuse treatment program. | | | | like this. They don't want to be driven by insecurity, |
| Effective abuse therapy is geared toward inspiring | | | | jealousy and anxiety. The batterer is not happy |
| the realization that they are in need of this | | | | battering. They may be addicted to it, but at the end |
| treatment. And a goal of the therapy is that the | | | | of the day, when they are looking at themselves, it |
| client will engage in healthy responsibility-taking, rather | | | | does not feel good. |
| than victim-blaming. Clients often enter domestic | | | | They are emotionally tormented people, who project |
| abuse therapy with a highly developed sense of | | | | their own sense of emotional turmoil, insecurity and |
| denial and resistance to acknowledging their abusive | | | | internal chaos onto others. They long omnipotence, |
| behavior. And over time, accountability takes over. | | | | yet deep inside struggle with their impotence. The |
| Here's how the progression occurs... | | | | denial and the resistance are very normal on the |
| 1) Fear of loss of something that is dear to | | | | front end and effective therapy is designed to |
| them...their intimate relationship, their family, their | | | | address this. So, you acknowledge that your |
| children, their jobs, status in the community, the | | | | partner's denial is part of the abuse dynamic, and you |
| threat of public humiliation and, for some people, a | | | | expect effective therapy to dismantle it. |