| People say that the system doesn't work. What I | | | | plan to discredit them, so naturally they assume |
| see is people not working the system to their | | | | defensive strategies. |
| advantage. This is especially true for battered | | | | You are far better off not being in this position. Your |
| women in divorce court. | | | | job is to learn how to flip the table. Get off the |
| Now this doesn't mean that they are responsible for | | | | defense; be proactive. |
| the system failures, any more than they are | | | | 3) Know the difference between friend and foe. |
| responsible for their perpetrator's battering behavior. | | | | Now this sounds simple, but it is actually the hardest |
| What it means is that there are so many things that | | | | task for battered women for a number of reasons. |
| can be done along the way to build one's case and | | | | They want so badly to believe in "rescue," that |
| block divorce abuse. | | | | sometimes they look right at the bully in manipulation |
| Here are a few pointers to help you improve the | | | | mode and think knight in shinning armor. |
| way the system works and the way you work the | | | | Then, other times, they look at an angel who has |
| system... | | | | shown up for them, with the grace of God, and they |
| 1) Keep the court record straight. | | | | project distrust and paranoia. (Some of these victims |
| Now to some litigants this could mean hold the | | | | recognize themselves in their reflexive and unfounded |
| thought that your attorney has a full copy of your | | | | "prince-frog" dance.) |
| court record. For others it may mean that you | | | | Abuse survivors have cut themselves off from their |
| yourself have a full copy of your court record. | | | | own inner knowing and authentic intuition. It's one of |
| While you do want both of these to be the case, | | | | the survival/defense mechanisms cultivated in an |
| you also want to make sure the facts in your court | | | | abusive relationship. And then when bombarded with |
| record reflect the case you wish to put before the | | | | stress, as in divorce and custody litigation, they |
| court. Make a point to learn how to keep the court | | | | distort even more. |
| record straight. | | | | If you are a protective parent and battered spouse |
| 2) Get off the defense. | | | | in divorce court, it's time to learn how to work the |
| Domestic violence survivors often live on the | | | | system. By doing so, you will increase the likelihood |
| defense in their divorce proceeding. It's the nature of | | | | of a positive outcome in your divorce. |
| the beast. They're usually subjected to a methodical | | | | |