| Divorce is tumultuous and a tremendous transition for | | | | thankful you kept them in a chaotic environment - or |
| a family. There are changing living arrangements, | | | | respect your decision to stay and be subjected to |
| changes in the children's time with each parent, | | | | abuse. |
| financial and lifestyle adjustments, changes in routine, | | | | 2. Your partner has a drug and/or alcohol problem |
| and intense emotions to contend with. Often, children | | | | and is unwilling to get any treatment for it. This is a |
| are caught in the middle of all of it, being impacted | | | | difficult situation, but if your partner is actively using, |
| by a decision they had no say in. In considering all the | | | | he or she is not fully present in the relationship or for |
| ramifications of a parental decision to divorce, it | | | | your children. He or she may even be at risk of |
| would seem that divorce is rarely desirable. There are | | | | endangering your kids if there is any drug or alcohol |
| instances, however, where the marriage is so toxic | | | | use around them. You are likely to be pulled into crisis |
| or damaging to one or both spouses that a divorce | | | | management mode - trying to keep things together |
| might be in the best interests of both parent and | | | | through the dysfunction of your partner. This |
| child. Here are 3 indicators that divorcing might be a | | | | distracts you from your children's needs as well as |
| viable option: | | | | your own. Your children are also learning about |
| 1. There is abuse in the marriage. Children observe | | | | relationships and coping mechanisms by watching you, |
| your marriage as a prototype for a relationship. If | | | | and this is not a good example for them to follow. |
| you are being subjected to abuse by your partner, | | | | 3. There is serial, continuing adultery in your marriage. |
| not only are you endangering yourself, but you are | | | | If your partner disrespects you regularly by cheating |
| doing emotional damage to your children, who are | | | | on you, this is likely to wreck your own self esteem |
| helplessly watching. If you are suffering physical | | | | and cause fighting, chaos, and hurt. You can't build a |
| abuse, please make contact with a domestic violence | | | | healthy relationship if trust cannot be rebuilt. Even if |
| shelter. Or, speak with a counselor specializing in | | | | you try to hide the truth from your children, they will |
| domestic abuse issues. Emotional abuse may not | | | | be sensitive enough to know something is wrong. |
| leave as obvious a scar, but this is also highly | | | | You are again likely to be so distracted trying to |
| damaging and is perpetually being studied by your | | | | manage your own hurt that the emotional needs of |
| children. As they get older, they may not be very | | | | your children run the risk of being neglected. |