| p>"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but | | | | Over the course of 5 years, her attitude returned to |
| words will never hurt me." Unfortunately, this | | | | confidence and happiness. I had learned that words |
| cliché is untrue. Words can hurt as badly as | | | | can cause harm. |
| domestic violence, often with more permanent | | | | Definition Of Verbal Abuse: The power of words to |
| results. This article will offer a definition of verbal | | | | cause serious and often permanent harm is absolute. |
| abuse, examine how words can hurt and share some | | | | Solomon was right! Since my purpose is not to offer |
| personal experience on the subject. We'll cover some | | | | legal advice, but to help you recover from verbal |
| ideas for recovery, whether you're the abuser, the | | | | abuse, we're going to discuss the functional definition |
| victim, or both. | | | | of verbal abuse, rather than a legal one. Verbal abuse |
| How Can Words Abuse Someone? What if we yell, | | | | is any use of language that causes someone harm. In |
| "Fire!" in a crowded theater, incite a riot, falsely | | | | future articles, I'll offer ways to discuss important |
| accuse someone in court, or lie about an item we | | | | subjects without doing harm. Frankly, if we care as |
| were selling? All of these types of words can cause | | | | much about others as we do ourselves, we'll figure it |
| real harm...and so can words used to threaten, control | | | | out. The "Golden Rule" comes to mind. Criticism, |
| or insult a "loved" one. It could be a spouse, parent, | | | | cursing, recounting past offenses, expressing |
| child, teacher or boss...if they hold a position of | | | | negative expectations, yelling, expressing distrust, all |
| authority or affection in your life, they hold the | | | | are forms of verbal abuse. The level of abuse can be |
| power to verbally abuse you. Around 3,000 years | | | | gauged by the frequency, volume and emotional |
| ago, a guy named Solomon wrote, "The power of | | | | weight given to the words. |
| life and death are in the tongue." | | | | How To Recover From Verbal Abuse: If you're an |
| Words are far more powerful and permanent than | | | | abuser, although you feel justified speaking like this, |
| people imagine. Many have made their child a loser by | | | | you must stop. You may think you're pointing out |
| calling him so. My father often told only one of his | | | | something your child needs to change, or a |
| kids, "You're going to end up in prison." Is it a | | | | weakness your husband has, but the more you |
| coincidence that he was the only child of five that | | | | degrade them, the worse they'll feel, the worse |
| spent time in prison? All parents, beware, careless | | | | they'll become. You may recall how you felt at times |
| words can cause serious harm to children. Careless | | | | you were in their position. If you find the you can't |
| words can harm a spouse, as well. | | | | stop the abuse, get some professional help so you |
| I Was A Verbal Abuser! Before I knew what was | | | | can stop hurting people you love. |
| happening, with our marriage less than 2 years old, I | | | | If you're the victim, you need to understand the |
| was verbally abusing my wife. I now know I was | | | | abuser is the one with the problem...not you. Even if |
| just living out the pattern my father had set, but my | | | | you've made mistakes, you don't deserve the verbal |
| wife was significantly harmed before I saw it. In | | | | beatings you're getting. If a loved one just won't |
| defense of my Dad, I'm sure he loved all of us and | | | | stop verbally abusing you and won't get help with the |
| never intended harm. Still, he was constantly cursing | | | | problem, get away from them. If they still won't get |
| and criticizing my Mom. After my wedding, I had | | | | help, make the absence permanent. Far too many |
| slowly begun to do the same thing...even using some | | | | families have used blood as an excuse for a tyrant |
| of the same phrases. Needless to say, my wife | | | | to destroy the lives of any within range. |
| began to feel our home was a very dangerous | | | | You can recover from verbal abuse if you still think |
| environment in which to have an opinion, so she | | | | enough of yourself to get it stopped or get away. |
| became distant and quiet, inviting even more anger | | | | Afterwards, build on your self-esteem by staying |
| and criticism from me. | | | | away from people you feel are negative or toxic and |
| By our second anniversary, I realized I was the | | | | replacing them with positive, encouraging people. |
| problem and needed to change if we were to | | | | Keep an optimistic attitude. Do things you find |
| survive. I discovered that my abuse had turned my | | | | enjoyable and relaxing. Replace the news with |
| wife from a confident, happy, professional to a sad, | | | | uplifting music and reading. Do volunteer work or just |
| quiet person who frequently criticized and insulted | | | | help a neighbor. |
| herself. Thinking it must somehow make me happy, | | | | You can overcome the abusive crud someone |
| she had learned to take the verbal club out of my | | | | poured on you, simply by choosing to live a life that's |
| hands and pound herself with it. While this was 18 | | | | the opposite of it. As your recovery progresses over |
| years ago, remembering still brings tears to my eyes. | | | | time, you become the person you want and dream |
| I resolved at that time to change anything about me | | | | to be, forgetting all about who your abuser said you |
| that caused her to be so fearful and self-loathing. | | | | were. |