| Fathers' rights during divorce are often forgotten. So | | | | credit cards or bank accounts or pensions. |
| if you're a father fighting a restraining order as part | | | | This one can wait until the morning and should only |
| of a custody battle with your ex, you need to | | | | take a few minutes of your time (a very welcome |
| ensure you take several critical steps as soon as you | | | | thing when you're trying to figure out how to fight a |
| find out a phony order has been granted against you. | | | | restraining order and how to win a custody battle!). |
| This article has been written in the hope that it can | | | | Let your ex know you plan to do all of this via your |
| help to resolve your situation - with the favorable | | | | lawyer or a mutually-acceptable friend or relative. |
| outcome being for you, not her. | | | | First of all, cancel the joint credit cards completely - |
| Step 1: Move personal records and paperwork out of | | | | don't ask to put a lower spending limit on them, it's |
| her reach to a safe location. | | | | just not worth it. Thousands of dollars of debt can |
| This is a vitally important step and should be done as | | | | be run up on a single card in a few minutes, and if |
| soon as possible - yes, in the middle of the night if | | | | you're the main card holder it'll be you footing the bill. |
| need be. If you're fighting a restraining order, you are | | | | If your ex is vindictive enough to file a phony abuse |
| obviously barred from going to her home to sort this | | | | allegation against you, just to see you fighting a |
| aspect out. But you need to get that paperwork out | | | | restraining order, she's sly enough to cause you |
| of the family home. | | | | financial hardship in other ways too. If she has |
| Therefore, it is entirely reasonable and within your | | | | already started a spending spree, report the credit |
| fathers divorce rights to ask a friend or relative to | | | | card as stolen (you may end up paying a few dollars |
| pick up this paperwork for you. If you don't have | | | | to cover the issuing bank's costs, my own cost $50 |
| anyone to ask, or they aren't close enough to do it in | | | | in fees when my ex decided to get a new wardrobe |
| time, ask your lawyer to arrange this on your behalf. | | | | on my dime). |
| You should obtain computer discs or hard drives | | | | Second, remove exactly half of all money stored in |
| which hold similar information on them - if you think | | | | joint bank accounts, and stop contributing to IRAs, |
| your ex will cause issues in this regard, speak to your | | | | 401(K) accounts or other pension pots held jointly. |
| lawyer about getting the entire computer confiscated | | | | Arrange to pay your half of any outstanding bills or |
| by an unbiased third party. This is also the right move | | | | fees that the account owes, for example by writing |
| if you have shared data on the discs (so she can't | | | | a cheque. This way, you are getting what is rightfully |
| claim you have sabotaged her records in any way). | | | | yours but not fighting a dirty divorce game like her. |
| Examples of the type of files that should be obtained | | | | Step 4: Keep a journal, or two! |
| from her reach are employment records, salary | | | | Record significant events that could have an impact |
| information, your will, tax or accounting data. | | | | on fighting the restraining order, or the winning the |
| Step 2: Don't sign anything. | | | | custody battle. Log time spent with your kids, |
| Never, ever sign any agreement or paperwork that | | | | arguments with your ex - basically any information |
| you haven't had time to fully digest whilst fighting a | | | | that might have an impact on the divorce |
| restraining order or figuring out how to win a custody | | | | proceedings. Keep it in a secure location, in a metal |
| battle. You may want to get your lawyer to check | | | | box. |
| out any agreements. A typical method to deny a | | | | Just make sure to stick to factual information (times, |
| father's divorce rights, when she is plotting to win a | | | | dates, those in attendance, locations) because your |
| custody battle, is to get him to sign agreements | | | | journal may be subpoenaed as written evidence later |
| which no lawyer can get withdrawn later down the | | | | on, and used against you by your ex. At the very |
| line. | | | | least she may decide to petition to read its contents |
| My own ex offered to withdraw her phony domestic | | | | if she finds out about it, even if there is nothing in |
| violence claim against me (which had been stopping | | | | there that will help her case. One trick I learnt about |
| me seeing my kids for several weeks at this point) if | | | | is to start each journal entry with "To My Attorney, |
| I would sign a parental custody split agreement in | | | | [his or her name]" so that the record becomes |
| which I'd get to visit my boys every third Saturday | | | | "privileged communication" and isn't liable to be |
| of the month. Although tempted, I didn't sign it - and | | | | subpoenaed. |
| five years later I have full and proper custody of my | | | | It's probably a good idea to keep a second journal |
| kids. My lawyer acknowledged that I'd done the right | | | | for your personal thoughts and feelings about what's |
| thing by not caving into her blackmail early on, when | | | | going on - this helped me immensely during my three |
| I couldn't afford a lawyer so I had no idea if I was | | | | year custody battle (during which time I was also |
| doing the right thing. | | | | fighting a restraining order). |
| Step 3: Freeze any jointly-owned assets such as | | | | |