| "What I don't understand about her/him is she/he | | | | Instead, the couple has set into motion an inner war |
| doesn't see things as I do." Sound familiar? | | | | that ultimately catches up with them, making both |
| It doesn't really matter what side of the fence you're | | | | unhappy in the long run. |
| on, we can all relate to this comment. Sometimes we | | | | Authenticity and Its Absence in Intimate Relationships |
| get so fixated in our wanting the other person to | | | | When you fail to be who you really are, you deny |
| have or adopt our thinking that we fail to appreciate | | | | your partner of knowing who you are and you deny |
| theirs. | | | | yourself of experiencing you as you really are. You |
| In abusive relationship therapy, we grow our capacity | | | | create a disconnection that leaves you dead in your |
| to embrace each other's perspective as it is, simply | | | | own skin. And you become the person that you |
| because it is, irrespective of how much or how little it | | | | believe he (or she) expects you to be. |
| matches ours. A primary focus in the intervention is | | | | The ensuing war is internal at first and ultimately, |
| the validation of each person's point of view. | | | | through cascading resentment, it becomes a war |
| Opinions in Abusive Relationships | | | | between the two of you. |
| In controlling relationships, we find that the | | | | Mutual Acceptance in Intimate Relationships |
| empowered party holds the expectation that his (or | | | | When the relationship expectation is that you |
| her) opinion holds more weight, is more accurate, | | | | challenge yourself with the inclusion of the other |
| more appropriate and to be adopted by the other | | | | person no matter what is put forward, another |
| party. And, often what happens is that the chase | | | | dimension unfolds...that of permission. This then |
| begins to convert this less empowered person into | | | | becomes the basis for mutual trust and unconditional |
| assuming the beliefs of the controlling person. | | | | regard. |
| The controlled un-empowered person thinks that | | | | If you are in an abusive relationship and long to break |
| doing so aids in maintaining harmony in the | | | | the subtle dynamics that keep you stuck in abusive |
| relationship. Accordingly, they acquiesce just to keep | | | | interaction patterns, learn about abusive relationship |
| the peace or regain it at all cost. | | | | therapy. |
| Yet, what ends up happening is far from peace. | | | | |