| The tears felt cool against the heat of my face. My | | | | videos of jail cells was very difficult. This was |
| internal screams almost drowned out the sound of | | | | intensified by the sounds of the roaches running |
| the door slamming. The since of safety in his leaving | | | | along the floor when the lights were dimmed. As my |
| was increasing. Many thoughts rushed in as I laid | | | | daughter and I cried ourselves to sleep in a |
| there silent as not to wake my sleeping 3 week-old | | | | completely lit room, I could feel the baby kicking. |
| infant that lay beside me. | | | | The knock at my room door was startling and gave |
| Was he serious this time? Was he going to act on | | | | me flashbacks of unwelcome thoughts. I was barely |
| the threat he gave after hitting me in the face? | | | | alert when the person behind the door informed me |
| What did I do THIS time? | | | | to attend breakfast. As I sat down on the edge of |
| As I sat up I noticed the numbing I felt on my face | | | | the bed, I felt the first contraction. Knowing that the |
| caused by the contact with a pillow being pounded | | | | stress of the previous 24 hours had taken their toll |
| against it. I stepped in front of the bathroom mirror | | | | on my body, I had to get to the hospital. |
| still silent. What to do next? | | | | My toddler lay sleeping exhausted from hiding the |
| When the police arrived, I explained embarrassingly | | | | previous day as her father threw things at me and |
| how I was hit multiple times with a pillow. The flash | | | | destroyed the house. The bus ride to the shelter |
| of the camera did little against the rising sunlight | | | | was a long one in the July heat. |
| casting in through the window. I could feel the lack of | | | | I knew I had to leave and find somewhere to go |
| sympathy from the officers as they handed me a | | | | since I was going to have my baby that day, but |
| card with instructions regarding filing a report. | | | | where? I had been to my dad's multiple times in the |
| The baby slept as I sat waiting for the bus. My mind | | | | previous months. I had lost many of friends due to |
| went back to when I last sat on the same bench | | | | my husband's behavior or my reaction to it. So there |
| heavy with pregnancy and seeking the safety of a | | | | I was; sitting on a bench downtown with my toddler |
| shelter. | | | | in a stroller, contractions 10 minutes apart, and no |
| I had arrived at the women's shelter the previous | | | | where to go. |
| month determined to escape. Out of pride, I could no | | | | As I picked up the pay phone to call my |
| longer turn to my family and friends. Their assistance | | | | mother-in-law, I knew I was going back. I knew I |
| was appreciated in the past, but after returning to | | | | was going to see him again. I knew that I was |
| my house of horrors time after time had left guilt | | | | making a mistake. |
| that was not easily pacified. | | | | No one answered in the early morning hours. |
| Trying to sleep in a room that reminded me of | | | | |