| When you're not serving up what your abusive | | | | delivered, it can be released without any relationship |
| partner desires, what happens? The tension grows | | | | to the context from which the conflict emerged. |
| until he/she smacks you-emotionally, verbally or | | | | 3) The batterer shows a marked release of inward |
| physically-as though to shake you awake and release | | | | tension following the assault. And you are left |
| the conflict within him/her. Sound familiar? | | | | wondering why the heck this person is having the |
| If you're living in an abusive relationship with your | | | | appearance of well-being... all in the face of your |
| intimate partner, your child, or some other family | | | | demise. |
| member or friend, you know these dynamics like the | | | | 4)You feel violated and confused. You experience |
| back of your hand. | | | | the hurt...the ouch... yet it's complicated. Unlike |
| Also note that having words for them is another | | | | stubbing your toe, wherein you know the connection |
| thing. Read on to clarify these points of conflict in | | | | between the blow and its impact, this hurt confuses |
| your abusive relationship so you may better cope | | | | you. You don't know if you're being punished, poorly |
| with your own personal experience. | | | | treated or if something in you contributed to the |
| 1) The assault is not about you. Rather, it is the | | | | delivered assault. |
| other person's maneuver to bring about comfort | | | | 5) BOTTOM LINE: Beware not to assume |
| within themselves. In that moment, the battering | | | | responsibility for the battering. If you do, you are |
| person is seeking to resolve their own felt loss of | | | | enabling the abuse dynamic. Why? Because it then |
| control wherein they are not getting what they long | | | | becomes your "Job" to alter the state of affairs |
| to obtain. | | | | preceding the assault. And we know that state of |
| 2) The battering is truly a means to an end and not | | | | affairs exists within the batterer. |
| the end in itself. You may notice as the battering is | | | | |