Are You Holding Onto Your Feelings?

Personal responsibility is often a difficult issue forstarting to own my response-ability. Instead of telling
women who have been physically and emotionally illmyself that my past experience conditions and limits
treated by their partner.my present and my future, I can choose to respond,
It goes without saying that they are neveror react to it. I can select my future course."
responsible for their partner's treatment of them.It is very easy, when you have been, repeatedly,
They will, very likely, have expended a lot of timephysically and emotionally mauled to lose sight of the
and energy in vain efforts to persuade their partnerperson you truly are, together with your worth.
of all the things they are not to blame for. TheseWhen that happens, you become your feelings. It is
could range from his problems at work, to theiras though feelings become the last refuge. What
alleged indifference to or neglect of his needs,they actually are is a straightjacket.
demands and wishes, to the dog barking, to a lack ofIn his important book "The Sedona Method" Hale
toilet paper within easy reach when required, and allDwoskin observes:
manner of other things in between.'We hold on to our feelings and forget that we are
Responsibility has become confused with blame.holding on to them... When we feel angry of sad, we
(Sometimes, people who are blessedly ignorant ofdon't usually say, "I feel angry," or, "I feel sad." We
the reality of abusive relationships will argue thatsay, "I am angry", or, "I am sad." Without realizing it
what befalls the woman is her fault. It is an argumentwe are misidentifying that we are the feeling. Often
that they use to put a distance between themselveswe believe a feeling is holding on to us. This is not
and something they find frightening. They can thentrue... we are always in control and just don't know it.
reassure themselves that nasty things don't happen'... even your deepest feelings are just on the surface.
in their world.At the core you are empty, silent, and at peace, not
In fact, they have missed the principle. As with rape,in the pain and darkness that most of us would
even if a woman dresses and behaves in aassume. In fact, even our most extreme feelings
provocative - or provoking - way, that does nothave only as much substance as a soap bubble.'
justify any kind of assault on her. Ever.Feelings are incredibly powerful and persuasive for as
Generally, abused women end up behaving in specificlong as you are stuck inside them. The soap bubbles
ways because they have been subjected to endlessof feelings have iridescent walls that blur your vision
attacks and accusations. And, ultimately, any womanof the outside world and endlessly reflect back to
can be open to abuse when they become vulnerableyou, your own isolated, trapped image.
at certain difficult junctures in their life.)Personal response-ability allows you to poke your
Still, blame and responsibility are, essentially, quitefinger into the soap bubble of feelings and burst it.
different things. Responsibility has sometimes beenDo that and you'll be free to reclaim your place, your
defined as "response-ability".stature and your role in the world beyond the soap
My point, when I wrote that I was starting to takebubble.
responsibility for myself, was that I was saying: "I am