| In life there are always difficult interpersonal | | | | is confronted by your asking, "Why are you not |
| situations, which force us into soul searching because | | | | talking to me?," the person can easily deny the |
| we want to change fast what is hurting us so deeply. | | | | accusation, explaining it away. You continue feeling |
| Are you kept by your loved one in hurtful, | | | | isolated and left out, but now, you could even be |
| frustrating, and confusing isolation, and you don't | | | | seen as inventing things! |
| know why? Have you always been afraid of | | | | Well, now there is a better way to react than denial, |
| confronting someone you love, because he/she | | | | so you can stop feeling scared or pushed into a little |
| ignores you and gives you the silent treatment on | | | | corner..., no more! Now you can learn how to turn |
| purpose? | | | | around a situation and use it for better purposes. |
| Are you getting the cold shoulder, and don't even | | | | Then, you can learn how to use these easy methods |
| know why? Is someone who's normally eager to | | | | in every aspect of your life: work, family, love. |
| speak to you now keeping your conversations to the | | | | Assertion is the art of saying what you need or |
| bare minimum? And, as a result, are you unsure of | | | | believe in a way that other people can hear you |
| how to respond in a way that gets you accepted | | | | clearly. This ability is essential for effective |
| back in important conversations, allowing you to feel | | | | problem-solving. The alternatives to assertion are |
| included and respected? | | | | submission (letting other's needs come before yours, |
| Moreover, have you ever been afraid of interpersonal | | | | which will happen if you accept the cold shoulder |
| conflicts and their consequences? Unsure of how to | | | | treatment for longer time) and aggression - forcing |
| respond in a way that promotes a normal, respectful | | | | your needs on another person without their |
| interaction? Are you in a relationship where there is a | | | | agreement. Both are lose-lose options. |
| lot of isolation and rejection on purpose, so you are | | | | SECOND STEP: This is the way to assert yourself:a) |
| put in a hurtful, frustrating, and confusing situation? | | | | get a clear idea of what is irritating you. If he/she is |
| Are you feeling hurt and lonely in an intimate | | | | not speaking to you in front of your friends, that is |
| relationship? | | | | clearly a hostile behavior that needs addressing. What |
| Here's how to confront the person who's ignoring | | | | is the behavior that you want, instead of this? |
| you without making things worse. | | | | Acceptance, care, attention? Be clear on what you |
| FIRST STEP: Learning to assert yourself | | | | want. |
| Probably nobody taught you in the past how to | | | | Also, be clear and firm on your personal rights as a |
| assert yourself, and in this way you did not had the | | | | dignified person; and firmly believe that your rights, |
| skills necessary to face difficult interactions....ending in | | | | needs, and dignity are just as valid and important as |
| a place where you feel scared, controlled or abused. | | | | anyone else's, regardless of age, power, role, or |
| Well, here is a way to build your self-esteem and | | | | gender. |
| know how to respond to the silent treatment and | | | | You need to define a change that you need from |
| other exclusionary tactics in a way that respects | | | | someone, and/or to set limits with someone who's |
| what you do need, and also takes care of the | | | | behavior is unacceptable or hurtful to you.b) Begin |
| relationship. | | | | describing the negative behavior in clear words: |
| In the past, you could even have developed a way | | | | "When you ignore me in front of my friends, as you |
| of denying conflicts in order to escape from all | | | | did last night at Mike's party..."then state the impact |
| confrontations, and ended up forcing yourself to hide | | | | on you: "I feel ignored and rejected."then declare that |
| your deep frustrations, because you feared that | | | | you want a change: "and I need you to (agree to |
| escalating arguments would take the discussion into | | | | make a specific behavior change: "remember that |
| emotional abuse or any kind of violence? In this way, | | | | you are not alone in the party and behave as part of |
| you explained away and denied the emotional abuse | | | | a couple with me)" |
| suffered by the cold shoulder you received. If it has | | | | Your purpose is not to blame, but to deliver |
| happened to you, you know that this is the worst | | | | information about the impact of their behavior to the |
| loneliness... the scars of mistrust and anger are still | | | | offending party. Messages centered on the "I" pro |
| there, waiting to heal. You need to remember that | | | | noun, delivered calmly, with steady, non-apologetic |
| negative emotions have a lingering impact in your | | | | eye contact - have a better chance of being |
| overall physical and emotional health. | | | | received as information, and not criticism. |
| Now you can begin to see those scars as produced | | | | The continued use of this response is necessary to |
| by a passive aggressive method of spousal abuse: | | | | provide the PA person with a steady feedback on |
| rejection by silent treatment. This rejection is insidious | | | | the impact of their behaviors.....which should extinguish |
| because it's hard to punish someone for not making | | | | them, if there is a willingness to change. |
| eye contact or ignoring another person. If the person | | | | To your hapiness! |