| If you have ever studied domestic violence, you | | | | substances inhibit a person and give them a false |
| know how abusers "choose" to behave violently, | | | | sense of control. Many abusers may only become |
| how they manipulate their partners through minimizing | | | | violent when they are under the influence because |
| and denying their actions as abusive, blaming their | | | | then they are not expected to be in control. Society |
| partners for "causing" the abuse, the characteristics | | | | and the media actually portray individuals who are |
| of abusers, as well as the barriers for leaving an | | | | drunk as rowdy, out of control and aggressive. If we |
| abusive partner. You also understand how alcohol and | | | | accept that that is one of the side-effects of using, |
| substance abuse adds another layer to the "come | | | | why would we really hold a drunk accountable? The |
| here, go away" patterns of unhealthy relationships. | | | | same goes for victims of intimate partner violence. It |
| Working with actual victims of domestic violence, it is | | | | is much easier to make sense of abuse by blaming |
| a lot harder to convince women that, in fact, their | | | | the substance. |
| partner chose when and where to escalate an | | | | Alcohol and domestic violence do have one |
| argument, which part of the body to hit (if the | | | | commonality; they are both unhealthy coping skills. If |
| incident was physical) and who or what to blame it | | | | your partner has to drink or use drugs to cope, it |
| on. Alcoholism and substance abuse fit in quite nicely. | | | | follows logically that he may one day turn to violence. |
| It's a lot easier to to blame your drinking or drugging | | | | Buying into the idea that the substance abuse causes |
| for the cause of losing control. | | | | the violence, only reinforces that the abuser is not, |
| While many women will notice the specific pattern of | | | | and therefore should not be, accountable for his |
| their abusive relationship, they may read too much | | | | actions. |
| into the link between alcoholism and abuse. I have | | | | Research shows that after completing substance |
| heard many women say "if he would only stop | | | | abuse treatment, the violence rarely ends. In fact, it |
| drinking", or "he was fine when he was going to AA", | | | | may increase because now the offender cannot use |
| that it is hard to not want to buy into the fact that | | | | alcohol as coping or as an excuse. The best form of |
| their partner really does love and respect her except | | | | treatment for spousal or partner abusers who also |
| when he's high. | | | | use substances would be for them to get treatment |
| The reality is that alcohol and drugs are used as an | | | | for the domestic violence and for the substances |
| excuse for the violence. Its true that alcohol and | | | | separately. |