| If I tell you that something you have done is | | | | days, weeks and years ahead. |
| disturbing or unacceptable to me, and you reply | | | | Battering to Enrichment |
| attacking me...then we are in trouble, and so is our | | | | Now if, on the other hand, the criticism were met |
| relationship. Abusive relationships are fertile ground | | | | with some degree of mere listening (with the intent |
| for this kind of interaction. | | | | to analyze and understand) then the door would |
| The perpetrator does not bring empathy to the | | | | open for self-reflection, accountability, ownership and |
| interaction and cannot see what is presented from | | | | responsibility. From here, the couple can negotiate |
| their partner's experience. Instead, all that is heard is | | | | agreements acceptable to both parties. And no one |
| a "criticism." With the perceived criticism on the table, | | | | is hurt, as the relationship grows and becomes |
| discomfort sets in...precipitating a reflexive | | | | enriched. |
| externalization of blame and, in some cases, an | | | | Sounds reasonable, correct? The question you |
| outright assault upon the "criticizer." | | | | maybe asking yourself is how to I get from A to B? |
| The reply may be one in which the perpetrator tells | | | | How can our relationship go from having the first kind |
| the victim that their perceptions are inaccurate. Or he | | | | of exchange that nets us interpersonal/relationship |
| she may tell the abused that their feelings simply | | | | violence to the second exchange that inspires |
| aren't valid or are due to some deficiency within | | | | harmony and enrichment? |
| them. | | | | If you are asking this question, you may be ripe for |
| With this exchange, one can expect a spiraling of | | | | a relationship makeover designed to end partner |
| conflict that cascades into a fight or gets swept | | | | abuse and promote satisfying relationship interaction. |
| under the carpet for both parties to trip over in the | | | | |