| Battered women and abused men are accustomed | | | | who make decisions that influence your life, including |
| to being the scapegoat for the problems in their | | | | but not limited to, the judicial and healthcare folks. |
| abusive relationships. They are routinely told:o "It's | | | | So please come out of your shock over the fact |
| your fault, you made me do it, say it, etc.,"o "If you | | | | that he/she is trying to make you the bad guy, or |
| weren't so ________, it wouldn't have happened."o | | | | the crazy one, or the liar. It's part of what's been |
| And oh yes, remember this one: "None of this ever | | | | there all along. |
| happened anyway...It's all in your head, crazy-psycho." | | | | Shining the Light on the Real Problem |
| Let's face it, "being the problem" goes hand-in-hand | | | | Then you ask yourself, "Why don't those in the |
| with being in an abusive relationship. It's what the | | | | system get it straight and realize that you are the |
| perpetrator wants you to believe and it's also what | | | | victim and your spouse is merely externalizing blame |
| you have bought into believing. It's part of the ugly | | | | for the marital skeletons?" |
| glue that binds the abusive relationship. | | | | Unfortunately, the job of the people in the system is |
| Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship | | | | not to "get it;" rather it's to get it done. And far too |
| knows this well. So then why do you suppose that | | | | often they are given false abuse allegations and may |
| when someone goes to the system to seek remedy | | | | not have the training to decipher the authentic from |
| for domestic violence, they would get anything other | | | | the unreal-especially when it comes to intimate |
| than what they've been bombarded with all along? | | | | partner violence and child abuse. |
| You as the Problem from Home to Court | | | | If you are in divorce court with a batterer and you |
| From the moment the police come to your door to | | | | know you are not being heard, seek to find someone |
| the pits of the divorce court lion's den, your abusive | | | | who can professionally represent your truth to those |
| partner will seek to make you the problem. That's | | | | making important decisions. This will undoubtedly help |
| what batterers do. | | | | you shine the light on the real problem and aid in |
| The only difference is that instead of telling you that | | | | offsetting your being made the problem. |
| you are the problem, he/she is telling this to all those | | | | |