| Witnessing our loved ones entangled in an abusive | | | | Relationships are dynamic. As we can remain there |
| relationship can be as painful for us as we imagine life | | | | for our loved one in an abusive relationship, we can |
| in the relationship to be for them. Knowing how and | | | | be there when they are ready to grab our hand for |
| what to do in the face of this pain will save your | | | | help. But until that time, we must be mindful of |
| relationship with your abused loved one. | | | | whom we are helping if we reach out from our own |
| Why do we hate victims of domestic abuse? | | | | losses. |
| We hate the hold their perpetrators have over them | | | | What can happen if we bully our help with abused |
| when it interferes with us getting what love and | | | | loved ones? |
| affection we are accustom to receiving from them. | | | | Some people believe in the "tough love" approach to |
| We hate the frustration of not being able to shake | | | | helping loved ones in an abusive relationship. However |
| them awake. We hate their choosing to be controlled | | | | more often than not, this backfires. |
| over the life they had before their abusive | | | | It tells the abused to exercise caution when they are |
| relationship. | | | | on the outward stroke of the relationship, because |
| We don't hate them. We hate what their abusive | | | | candor says "you're right." And when the time comes |
| relationship means to us. | | | | when you are needed most, you maybe the last |
| How can we reconcile their choice without it further | | | | person to be called. Ultimately, you may very well |
| compromising our relationship with them? | | | | nourish the sinking of the lifeboat that you could |
| The answer to this question can ultimately save your | | | | have been for your friend or loved one in an abusive |
| relationship with them. And moreover, potentially | | | | relationship. |
| save them as well. | | | | Keep the lifeboat afloat and enjoy whatever |
| A) Remember they are the keeper of their temple, | | | | elements of relationship you have with your loved |
| and they are ultimately responsible to and for their | | | | one while on the inward as well as the outward |
| choices. | | | | stroke of an abusive relationship. |
| B) Our ability to honor their position is as important | | | | Domestic violence comes in all shapes and sizes...all |
| to the well-being of our relationship with them as our | | | | levels of danger, oppression and control. There is no |
| motivation to rock their boat. | | | | one other than the victim in an abusive relationship |
| C) After we have expressed our opinions, played our | | | | that knows their situation better than themselves. |
| hand, disclosed the facts we observe, provided the | | | | As we trust and respect that, we give them what is |
| appropriate domestic abuse resources, etc., the rest | | | | probably missing in their abusive relationship and we |
| is theirs. | | | | model what we so earnestly long for them to have. |