Abusive Relationships - 3 Deadly Mistakes in Assuming Responsibility For the Battering Behavior

We hear it all the time: "You're not responsible fordeserve...more battering.
your abuser's battering behavior." Yet, victims of3) From yourself: Your efforts to change your
domestic abuse spend an inordinate amount of timepartner prevent you from changing yourself, because
trying to alter this behavior. Fix it. Change it. Accountno one is then available to tend to your own
for it.business. When you are in someone else's business
Often, and usually unknowingly, this invites threebeing responsible for their behavior, how can you be
deadly mistakes victims of domestic abuse make inin our own business? You can't.
their abusive relationships.Byron Katie says this so clearly. When you're not in
3 deadly mistakes of shouldering the responsibility foryour own business, you're disconnected from
battering behavioryourself. It is as though no one is home minding your
1) From others: You inadvertently tell bystanders thataffairs. And your connection to your authentic self is
you own all or part of the battering. You asked for it.severed. This is the greatest death domestic abuse
You enjoy it...you deserve it. This is where the mythsurvivors endure.
that "she deserves it" comes from.If you are a victim of domestic abuse and you find
2) From your partner: When you join the dance andyourself giving excuses for your batterer's behavior,
try to change your partner, you assume thehalt and remember these three deadly mistakes.
responsibility to fix it. And if you're doing this, it mustRecognize how your efforts to change your abusive
be your fault. This supports your abuser's belief thatpartner result in the continuation of your abusive
it is partly, or completely, your fault, which lendsrelationship and your loss of your authentic self.
permission to continue to give you what you