| "When you walk through that door, my time | | | | Being a Good Person in the Absence of Your Abusive |
| becomes your time." Sound familiar? | | | | Spouse |
| The question I have is, "Is it good or is this bad?" | | | | Then, you observe yourself basking in ease when in |
| That could go either way depending on how you | | | | his absence. You catch yourself enjoying not having |
| experience yourself when you are with him...when | | | | to live up to his endless demands, judgments and |
| you give to him...when he wants from you...when he | | | | expectations. |
| gives to you. | | | | You stumble upon your rightness for simply being |
| If you are in an abusive relationship, you may notice | | | | you. You discover the good person that you are. And |
| that you step out when your abusive spouse steps | | | | from here, you seek to protect this good soul from |
| in. It may be that you believe you need to be "all | | | | him. |
| about him" when he shows up, because being about | | | | So when he walks through that door, you set her |
| you could come with punitive consequences. | | | | aside and your time becomes his time...but for the |
| Being a Bad Person in the Presence of Your Abusive | | | | wrong reasons. This makes you resent his being |
| Spouse | | | | there and inspires your desire for him to stay away. |
| He may only be content with your catering to him. | | | | Being That Good Person in the Presence of Your |
| And moreover, he may have demonstrated that no | | | | Abusive Spouse |
| matter how much you give, it will never be | | | | What would it take for you to be that good person |
| enough...because he can always find something that is | | | | in his presence? What would you need from him? |
| wrong. | | | | And, what would you need from yourself? |
| He actually finds some pleasure in showing you that | | | | If you are asking these questions, you could be a |
| you are deficient...defective...inadequate. You are the | | | | candidate for an abusive relationship therapy overhaul. |
| absolute furthest thing from perfect being just as | | | | You and your abusive spouse could both benefit |
| you are. | | | | from finding the way to have you be that good |
| So, you find yourself jumping through the hoops of | | | | person in his presence. Invariably this will open the |
| what you think he will want you to be, until you tire | | | | door for you and your partner to break the cycle of |
| and wish deep inside that he would just go away. | | | | intimate partner abuse. |